Here's Everything Leaving Netflix In May

April 19, 2017, 12:30 pm

≫ Next: Everything At Nasty Gal Is 40% Off, Again

≪ Previous: Anne Hathaway Worried That She Had "Internalized Misogyny" While Filming This Movie

April showers bring May flowers, as well as a brand new season of titles on Netflix. Before that, however, we have to say goodbye to a whole slew of shows and movies that are jumping ship to make room.

Next month, Netflix is taking the phrase "out with the old" extremely literally, since a bunch of pre-2000 classics are leaving the streaming service all at once. That includes movies like Jurassic Park, Flubber, and FernGully 2: The Magical Rescue.

As far as TV is concerned, American Dad is getting almost completely phased out of the website, with seasons disappearing a few at a time. Scrubs, however, is leaving in one fell swoop, with all nine seasons getting the axe.

Some other random titles are also making an exit, including my personal favorite, Turf War: Lions and Hippos. Fans of dance movies ( Step Up) and creepy documentaries ( Treblinka: Hitler's Killing Machine) will also be disappointed — but there is some good news. You still have the rest of April to catch up.

Read on to see everything leaving Netflix in May!

*11 Blocks*(2015)
A thriller starring Craig Henry, who must rescue the woman he loves by making it through eleven violent city blocks.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Inception Media Group.

*Alfie*(2004)
A womanizing Jude Law learns the error of his ways.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.

*To Catch a Thief*(1955)
A former jewel thief is accused of regressing back to his crime days, so he has to prove his innocence.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.

*Bang Bang!*(2014)
A young woman stumbles into the wild world of car chases, shoot-outs, and bombs.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Fox Star Studios.

*Black Mamba: Kiss of Death*(2013)
Learn about snakes!
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Earth Touch.

*Cujo*(1983)
A St. Bernard gets rabies and wreaks havoc in small-town America.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Taft Entertainment.

*Doomsdays*(2013)
A duo who live their lives squatting in various vacation homes in the Catskills are joined by a young woman and a teen on the run.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Candy Factory Distribution.

*Fantastic Four*(2005)
Scientists who gained powers after being exposed to radiation must use their new abilities to defeat their enemy.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Marvel Enterprises.

*FernGully 2: The Magical Rescue*(1998)
The characters of FernGully leave the forest to rescue their friends who have been poached.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Fox Animation Studios.

*Flicka: Country Pride*(2012)
A sequel to the original film, with basically the same plot.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment.

*Garfield's Fun Fest*(2008)
The annual funniest comic strip competition goes awry when a new contender arrives.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of 20th Century Fox Film Corporation.

*Invincible*(2006)
A 30-year-old nobody goes from bartender to professional football player because he ~never stopped believing~.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures.

*Jetsons: The Movie*(1990)
George Jetson gets promoted and must move his family to a new planet.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Hanna-Barbera Productions.

*Jurassic Park*(1993)
A theme park filled with cloned dinosaurs loses power — chaos ensues.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Universal Pictures.

*The Lost World: Jurassic Park*(1997)
A research team studying the dinosaurs goes head-to-head with another team who has ulterior motives.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Universal Pictures.

*Jurassic Park III*(2001)
After swearing off the islands, Dr. Alan Grant is persuaded to fly a couple over Isla Sorna. Then, they get stuck there.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Universal Pictures.

*Paulie*(1998)
A story told by a talking parrot.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of DreamWorks.

*Samurai Headhunters*(2013)
A documentary about the dark side of Samurai clans.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*Stephen King's Thinner*(1996)
A gypsy puts a curse on an attorney that makes him lose weight uncontrollably.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Spelling Films International.

*Tales from the Darkside: The Movie*(1990)
In order to distract a witch trying to eat him, a young boy tells her three scary stories.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.

*The Doors*(1991)
The story of the iconic 1960s rock band.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Bill Graham Films.

*The Real Beauty and the Beast*(2014)
A documentary about the medica phenomenon of "hypertrichosis" or "Ambras Syndrome."
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*The Seven Dwarfs of Auschwitz*(2013)
A documentary about a troupe of performers held prisoner under Nazi rule.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*The Sons of Katie Elder*(1965)
Four sons work together to avenge the murder of their father.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Wallis-Hazen.

*The Wedding Planner*(2001)
A wedding planner falls in love with her client's groom.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Columbia Pictures Corporation.

*Things We Lost in the Fire*(2007)
A widow reaches out to her husband's best friend for support after her loss.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of DreamWorks.

*Treblinka: Hitler's Killing Machine*(2014)
A documentary about a forensic archeologist excavating a secret extermination camp.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*Truly Strange*(2014)
A series investigating everything we thought we knew about our biology.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*Turf War: Lions and Hippos*(2009)
A documentary about Africa's Luangwa Rift Valley after a dry season where lions and hippos are battling for their territory.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*Van Wilder: Freshman Year*(2009)
Am I the only one who didn't know Kristin Cavallari did movies?
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Famous Productions.

*Venom Islands*(2012)
More snakes! And other poisonous creatures.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*World War II Spy School*(2014)
Learn about the secrets of the OSS.
Leaving May 1
Photo: Courtesy of Smithsonian Channel.

*Good Luck Charlie:* Season 1 – 4 (2010-2014)
An unplanned baby becomes the fourth sibling in the Duncan family, now under the care of its older sister and brothers while their parents are at work.
Leaving May 2
Photo: Courtesy of It's a Laugh Productions.

*Kickin’ It:* Season 1 – 3 (2011-2013)
A failing karate studio is saved by a white boy.
Leaving May 2
Photo: Courtesy of It's a Laugh Productions.

*Scrubs:* Season 1 – 9 (2001-2010)
Doctors getting into antics! You definitely already know the theme song.
Leaving May 2
Photo: Courtesy of ABC Studios.

*Amapola*(2014)
Classified as a comedy, this movie is somehow about the 1962 Argentinian military coup and also the 1982 Falkland Islands war.
Leaving May 5
Photo: Courtesy of Cinema 7 Films.

*Flubber*(1997)
A classic starring Robin Williams as a kooky professor who creates "flubber."
Leaving May 5
Photo: Courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures.

*Grosse Pointe Blank*(1997)
An assassin winds up at his high school's ten-year reunion.
Leaving May 5
Photo: Courtesy of Hollywood Pictures.

*The Recruit*(2003)
A CIA trainee sniffs out a mole.
Leaving May 5
Photo: Courtesy of Touchstone Pictures.

*What About Bob?*(1991)
A patient crashes his therapist's family vacation.
Leaving May 5
Photo: Courtesy of Touchstone Pictures.

*American Dad!* Seasons 7, 8, 9, & 10 (2011-2015)
A CIA agent balances work and family — badly.
Leaving May 7 (season 7), 11 (season 8), 17 (seasons 9 & 10)
Photo: Courtesy of 20th Century Fox Television.

*Bob’s Burgers:* Season 2 (2012)
A family of five run their own burger joint and somehow manage to get into unrelated mischief.
Leaving May 7
Photo: Courtesy of Bento Box Entertainment.

*Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown:* Season 1 – 5 (2013-2015)
Politics, food, and culture in countries all over the world.
Leaving May 15
Photo: Courtesy of Zero Point Zero Production Inc.

*Step Up*(2006)
The dance movie that started all the other ones.
Leaving May 19
Photo: Courtesy of Touchstone Pictures.

*Graceland:* Season 1 – 3 (2013-2015)
A rookie joins a house of undercover FBI agents.
Leaving May 26
Photo: Courtesy of Fox Television Studios.

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Everything At Nasty Gal Is 40% Off, Again

April 19, 2017, 12:30 pm

≫ Next: 4 Stereotypes About Tauruses That Just Aren't True

≪ Previous: Here's Everything Leaving Netflix In May

It's been a tumultuous couple of months for Nasty Gal. Between news of the #GirlBoss-started brand filing for bankruptcy back in November (and everything going on sale), and being acquired by Boohoo soon after, it's hard to keep up with the latest status of the store we once loved for quirky vintage finds and endless pages of "going-out" clothes. But alas, Nasty Gal's site is still up and running — and it's offering 40% off your order right now with the code "NASTY40."

It's tough to know what this all means for the brand — is this part two of its close out sale? Or is the online retailer just trying to take advantage of the second weekend of Coachella being right around the corner? Perhaps it's marking down its inventory in celebration of the new Girl Boss series premiering on Netflix in just a few days? Or...you know what: Instead of asking questions, we'll just take full advantage of the steals ahead.

Since now's the perfect time to get back into off-shoulder and cut-out territory anyway, click on to shop our picks from the sale (and grab 'em before they sell out). Though the future of Nasty Gal may not be clear, our love for its stock (and discounts) definitely is.

**Nasty Gal** She Said Bloom Embellished Sneaker, $50, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** All Bark Denim Skirt, $45, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Making The Cut Bikini, $40, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** On Your Side Stripe Pants, $60, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Millie Wrap Top, $50, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Gimme A Shine Ruffle Skirt, $60, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Crazy Daisy Off-shoulder Top, $44, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Watermelon Fields Forever Crochet Bikini Set, $60, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** I Am Woman Tee, $30, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Put A Bow On It Vegan Slide Sneaker, $45, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Ruffle Crop, $36, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Whip Into Shape Shirt, $40, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Ring Me Up Bodycon Dress, $60, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Wrapped Up In It Satin Dress, $36, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Just Dance Sequin Top, $90, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Remy Trench Coat, $60, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Stuck In The Midi Skirt, $50, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Love You Oversized Denim Jacket, $90, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Keyhole To My Heart Swimsuit, $50, available at Nasty Gal.

**Nasty Gal** Be There Gingham Dress, $50, available at Nasty Gal.

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4 Stereotypes About Tauruses That Just Aren't True

April 19, 2017, 12:40 pm

≫ Next: The One Mask That Actually Got Rid Of My Blackheads

≪ Previous: Everything At Nasty Gal Is 40% Off, Again

Feeling a little more relaxed these days, stargazers? Sure, the rising temperatures might have something to do with it, but we'd bet you have the onset of Taurus season to thank, too. This Earth sign's influence is known for chilling us out and refocusing our attention on what really matters. But, not everything that leaps to mind when we think of the Bull of Zodiac is positive.

As is the case with all signs of the Zodiac, there are some misconceptions out there about Tauruses: They're materialistic; they're lazy. The list of unflattering (and, let's be real, untrue) traits goes on. That's why we've set out to bust those myths into oblivion — beyond the stars, if you will (sorry).

Ahead, we're taking a closer look at four common assumptions people make about Tauruses — and proving why they aren't 100% true.

If this is all you know about Bulls, chances are you've only caught them on their (rare) bad days. Normally, Tauruses are a pretty agreeable bunch. Their ruling element, Earth, keeps them grounded and makes them a great addition to anyone's support system — it's likely that your Taurus friend is the one you call for reassuring pep talks. That said, Earth's influence can also make Tauruses a little, shall we say, stuck in their ways. When a Bull feels like something is just off, they very well may get frustrated. Luckily, they're pretty good at setting things right for themselves, without making others deal their personal pet peeves.

Yes, Tauruses have developed a reputation for being lazy. But, we wouldn't say this rep is well-earned. More accurately, Bulls' tendency toward caution often makes them seem slow-moving and, well, idle. This sign never leaps before taking a long, hard look. Oftentimes, this can lead to them staying put instead of acting at all. As a hardworking Earth sign, Bulls like to spend their downtime in the comfort of their own corner of the world. It can be challenging to pull them out of their comfort zone for a totally safe reason, let alone a truly risky one. Just remember to give your sensitive Taurus pal the space and time they need.

There's no denying that Tauruses enjoy the finer things in life. They have an eye for luxury and don't mind occasionally splurging on something shiny. But let's make one thing clear: They're doing the splurging. Sure, Bulls could be considered high-maintenance — if they weren't the ones doing the maintaining. They're always the ones to foot the bill on their creature comforts, and they're usually happy to share with loved ones.

Remember what we were saying about Bulls and their creature comforts? Sometimes, other people are included in that category. Tauruses seek consistency and security in their friendships and romantic relationships — and that can make them a little over-protective. They'll never stop you from doing your thing; it's just that they might not immediately understand why you'd want to. Bulls get so cozy in their routines that they want their loved ones to join them, but they don't have a jealous bone in their bodies. Once they see things from your point of view, they'll be nothing but supportive.

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The One Mask That Actually Got Rid Of My Blackheads

April 19, 2017, 12:45 pm

≫ Next: These Republicans Sway From The Party When Voting For Reproductive Rights

≪ Previous: 4 Stereotypes About Tauruses That Just Aren't True

Pure. It's how your faucet water tastes after it trickles through the Brita filter. Your mindset in the wake of a five-hour spa day. The feeling you latch on to after you meditate or take a particularly mindful yoga class. To put it simply, it is the word used to describe the aftermath of, well, getting rid of all the bad shit around you. And if there were a skin-care equivalent of purity, it's what your face looks like after you exfoliate.

Now, as someone who has written somewhere in the ballpark of a thousand stories on facial masks, I know full-well the importance of a weekly deep-cleansing. But carving out time to do it takes discipline — which is why, as the World's Laziest Beauty Editor, I seldom do. (I also never do yoga or any other form of physical activity, but that's a story for another time.)

Luckily for me, my bad habit of not masking is probably the easiest to break — you just have to practice doing one consistently until it feels like it's part of your routine. And for me, Philosophy's Pore Extractor Mask was the place to start. Not only is it loaded with white clay and salicylic acid to draw out gunk that comfortably sits in your pores like a beach chair in the sand, but it also only requires that you wear it for five to 10 minutes. Maybe starting in smaller increments, I thought, would help me stick with it.

So, during a recent trip to Aruba where the brand uncovered the launch, I slathered it all over my face. After it dried, I washed the gritty mask off (the sand-like particles add another layer of exfoliation), and noticed the tiny black bumps on my nose were practically nonexistent. It was magic. (When I got back, I gave the mask to our beauty director, who experienced similar results; her stubborn hormonal pimples were gone after just a couple uses.)

After three days of intense humidity and heat, somewhat strenuous yoga sessions (did I mention I don't like to sweat?), and probably a little too much red wine, my skin actually looked better than it did when I first arrived on the island. But the real revelation, at least for me, was how little it felt like a chore. Perhaps I was feeling especially zen from our meditation session that morning, but whatever it was, applying, waiting, rinsing — it all felt the way using a mask should feel: relaxing. In the days of painful peel-off treatments and excruciating extraction videos, that's something we all too forget.

Of course, I'm by no means a completely changed person. I'll probably still dread the extra 10 minutes lumped onto my beauty routine. But to me, this face mask has become my own personal reminder — in between the blaring police sirens, the deadlines, the everyday drama that comes with living in New York City — to take a moment, and just fucking breathe.

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Travel and expenses for the author were provided by Philosophy for the purpose of writing this story.

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These Republicans Sway From The Party When Voting For Reproductive Rights

April 19, 2017, 12:45 pm

≫ Next: Anthony Bourdain On Whiskey, Rosé & Why He Says No To Tequila Shots

≪ Previous: The One Mask That Actually Got Rid Of My Blackheads

When it comes to protecting Planned Parenthood's funding and reproductive rights in general, Congress is usually split down party lines. Although GOP leaders continue proposing bills that would make it more difficult for women to access health care, there is a limited number of Republicans who support reproductive rights when voting in Congress.

Of course, there are always politicians who say one thing and do another — such as Republican Sen. Dean Heller, who did a quick 180 when explaining how he feels about defunding Planned Parenthood this week.

While speaking to his Nevada constituents at a town hall meeting Monday, he vowed to "protect Planned Parenthood," saying, "I have no problems with federal funding for Planned Parenthood." But the following day, his spokeswoman, Megan Taylor, told Axios, "He is opposed to providing federal funding to any organization that performs abortions and is supported by taxpayers' dollars; he has a long record that reflects his position." Which is it, Dean? Based on his voting record, it seems Sen. Heller leans more toward defunding Planned Parenthood than protecting it.

"18,000 Nevadans depend on Planned Parenthood for preventive health care and nearly 6 in 10 Nevadans support Planned Parenthood," Dawn Laguens, Planned Parenthood Action Fund executive vice president, said in a statement provided to Refinery29. "Senator Heller can expect to continue to hear from his constituents about the important role Planned Parenthood plays in providing care to Nevadans."

Unlike Sen. Heller, there are surprisingly a few Republicans in Congress who do vote in favor of Planned Parenthood and protecting women's health care.

Sen. Susan Collins

The Maine Republican was one of only two GOP senators who voted against the measure President Trump signed into law April 13, which gave states permission to withhold federal Title X family planning funds from health clinics that perform abortions. Because two GOP members split from the party, Vice President Mike Pence had to act as a tie breaker in order for the bill to pass at the Senate level. Collins was also one of three Senate Republicans to back a proposed amendment to a 2015 Obamacare repeal bill which would have kept federal funding for Planned Parenthood intact. She was also one of the two Republicans who voted against a 20-week abortion ban in 2015.

Sen. Lisa Murkowski

Alaskan Sen. Murkowski joined Sen. Collins in opposing defunding Planned Parenthood both through Title X programs and the Obamacare repeal bill.

In an interview with Alaska Dispatch News, Murkowski said repealing the Obama administration's rule prohibiting states from withholding Title X money from certain clinics allows states to "further limit access to care for women, and I think that that's taking us backwards, so I voted against it."

Sen. Mark Kirk

Back in 2015 when Collins and Murkowski were working to stop the rest of the GOP from defunding Planned Parenthood while trying to repeal Obamacare, Sen. Mark Kirk from Iowa also ditched the rest of the party to join them. Before that, Kirk voted against a bill aimed specifically at banning abortion at 20 weeks. In 2014, Sen. Kirk also supported an appropriations bill that would expand women's access to health care and was applauded by Planned Parenthood.

These three senators repeatedly stand up to their party to protect women's reproductive rights, proving that the GOP can't even get full support from its own politicians when attacking women's health care access.

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Anthony Bourdain On Whiskey, Rosé & Why He Says No To Tequila Shots

April 19, 2017, 12:45 pm

≫ Next: Everything We Know About Pippa Middleton's Wedding (So Far)

≪ Previous: These Republicans Sway From The Party When Voting For Reproductive Rights

Anthony Bourdain knows a thing or two about a good drink. He’s eaten and imbibed his way around the world, taking hungry viewers with him, most recently on Parts Unknown. An obsession with craftsmanship led to Bourdain's partnership with The Balvenie (a single-malt Scotch) and the American Craft Council. In addition to hosting The Balvenie's web series Raw Craft, he also hosted the 2017 Rare Craft Fellowship Awards. We caught up with Bourdain to talk more about how, with a well-crafted spirit, less can be better, and why food trends aren't actually all that bad.

So how does a man who has tried it all like his drinks? As it turns out, pretty simple. At home, Bourdain says he sticks to the occasional glass of Scotch, and keeps red wine and beer “kicking around” in case he hosts company.

Outside of his home, things stay similarly uncomplicated. He enjoys a good Scotch or Bourbon, served on its own. “Somebody went to a lot of trouble to make this stuff,” he says. He loves Burgundy wine for its unpredictability, calling its complexity almost “unknowable.” With beer, he’s less discerning: “My favorite beer is cold beer, served quickly with minimum fuss.“

As far as cocktails go, Bourdain mostly stays away, with one exception: Negronis. His preferred way to start out a meal at an Italian restaurant, he describes it as the “perfect mixed drink,” made from “three liquors that I don’t particularly like, but together they create something really magical.”

When it comes to what he doesn’t drink, the list is fairly short, something that certainly comes in handy when most of his job consists of traveling the world and sampling food and booze. “Wherever people can rot stuff, they’re going to figure out a way to get a buzz,” he says, describing some of the more intense moonshines he’s sampled over the years as being “rocket fuel right from the rocket.”

And while he’ll sample something offered to him in an “old Pepsi bottle, particles floating in it,” there is one thing he will say no to: tequila shots. Well, at least if he’s already been drinking.

“If I’ve been drinking…any other beverage, and at 11 o’clock at night, someone approaches me with the idea that we should do some tequila shots, this is always an important moment,” he explains. He’s found that moment is where the evening can go two ways. If he agrees to the shots, even if they’re being offered by a “friend.. who may be smiling,” regardless, “No good will come of this.”

With a purist’s approach to drinking, it would be an easy assumption that Bourdain has no time for the food trends that elevate previously little-known or obscure foods to cult status overnight. But, while he acknowledges trends can “look silly,” it’s ultimately a good thing that people’s palates are opened up to different flavors from other countries and cultures.

He even extends his begrudging endorsement of trends to perhaps the biggest fad drink of the moment, rosé. “Cliches are cliches for a reason,” he acknowledges, after describing an incident where he was a tad embarrassed to be buying several bottles of it while out in the Hamptons.

“I was like, hiding my head in shame. ‘Alright, I know, I know, give me some Hamptons juice,’” he recalls with a laugh. But he also says that, especially because he loves it with red meat in the hot summer months, it would be silly to avoid rosé just for its trendiness.

“Why deny yourself a good thing? It’s summer, give in.”

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Everything We Know About Pippa Middleton's Wedding (So Far)

April 19, 2017, 12:50 pm

≫ Next: The Hottest Movie Sex Scenes, Ever (NSFW)

≪ Previous: Anthony Bourdain On Whiskey, Rosé & Why He Says No To Tequila Shots

Pippa Middleton occupies an enviable position in the British royalty universe. Unlike her sister, Kate Middleton, she’s not tethered to the customs and obligations that accompany being the queen-to-be. But, like her sister, she still has access to star-studded soirees, high fashion, and stellar vacations.

We already saw Pippa in a stunning white dress when Kate married Will in 2011. Now, with the announcement of her wedding, Pippa will debut her very own gown on May 20. Given Pippa's social status — combined with her fiancé's wealth — it's set to be quite an affair.

From the groom’s backstory to the dress details, here’s absolutely everything we could rummage up about Pippa’s bash. We better enjoy this, because we’ll be waiting until Prince Harry ties the knot before we can indulge our obsession with British royalty to this degree again.

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**The Groom**
Pippa is marrying James Matthews, the CEO of Eden Rock Capital Management Group, a hedge fund. The 41-year-old financier is reportedly worth $2.6 billion. But before he was a billionaire, he was a professional race car driver.
While the pair previously dated in 2012, they rekindled their romance in 2016.
REX/Shutterstock

**The Proposal**
In July 2016, Matthews whisked Middleton away to England’s Lake District to propose. Appropriately, the picturesque region is where the classic British romantic novel *Pride and Prejudice* took place. May Pippa and James be as wonderful as the book's couple, Elizabeth and Darcy.
Karwai Tang / Contributor

**The Ring**
Pippa’s ring finger must be significantly heavier since her engagement. Matthews proposed with a $260,000 ring with an Art Deco design. The ring features a large Asscher cut diamond centerpiece surrounded by an octagonal halo of diamonds.
Alex B. Huckle / Stringer

**The Venue**
Unlike her sister, who got married in Westminster Abbey, Pippa will marry James Matthews at St. Mark’s Church in Englefield, Berkshire. The church is near Middleton’s childhood home, and it’s also where Prince George and Princess Charlotte each attended their first Christmas church ceremonies.
After the ceremony on May 20, the festivities will continue at Pippa’s family home in Bucklebury.
Joan Wakeham/REX/Shutterstock

**The Dress**
Kate Middleton’s Alexander McQueen gown was especially designed to elicit a "princess moment" for the royal family's newcomer.
Pippa’s dress, on the other hand, won’t be used as a symbol of royalty — meaning she can choose just about whatever she wants. While we won’t know what Pippa is wearing until May 20, we can assume it’ll be a dress as unforgettable as Kate's.
Pascal Le Segretain / Staff

**The Pre-Honeymoon**
Before the big day, Pippa and James will unwind at the Matthews’ family luxury hotel, Eden Rock, in St Barths. In fact, James derived his hedge fund’s name — Eden Rock — from his family’s hotel.
Courtesy of Eden Rock

**The Guest List**
The 150-person guest list will include tennis player Roger Federer and professional adventurer Ben Fogle, in addition to the usual royals.
ALEXANDRA WEY/EPA/REX/Shutterstock

**The Starring Roles**
Drumroll, please. Your favorite royal tots, Prince George and Princess Charlotte, will be a part of the wedding party. George will be a pageboy, and Charlotte will be a bridesmaid — though we doubt she’ll stay up for the Bachelorette party.
Talullah Middleton, Pippa’s 14-year-old cousin and daughter of the Middleton family black sheep, will also be a bridesmaid.
WPA Pool / Pool

**The Sisterly Duties**
While Kate will definitely be in attendance, it’s unconfirmed whether she’ll be Pippa’s maid of honor.
Clive Brunskill / Staff

**The Meghan Markle Hoopla**
After much speculation, the answer is yes — with a catch. While Pippa’s wedding invitation specified that guests could only bring spouses and fiancés along, Harry's girlfriend is the exception to the “no ring, no bling” rule. Markle will attend the post-church party at the Middleton family estate.
Rob Latour/Variety/REX/Shutterstock

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The Hottest Movie Sex Scenes, Ever (NSFW)

April 19, 2017, 12:50 pm

≫ Next: The Saddest Breakup Songs Of All Time

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Sex scenes, we've seen a few. The first times that seldom bear resemblance to anyone's real first time. The quick-my-wife-is-out-of-town humpfests that turn us on and off at the same time. The perfect lighting and unrealistic, synchronized orgasms. They make it all look so easy, don't they?

Not that we're complaining. A great cinematic sex scene can really get us going, even if it involves positions straight out of Cirque du Soleil. Who doesn't feel a little warm when "Take My Breath Away" comes on? Who else believes that Michael Douglas must be able to make a woman (or Matt Damon) orgasm from 10 feet away?

Next time you and bae are looking for a little sexual inspiration, consider consulting one of these steamy scenes. Try not to pull a muscle.

Blue Is the Warmest Color (2013)
There's a lot of controversy surrounding the intense love scenes between Léa Seydoux and Adèle Exarchopoulos. Some critics within the lesbian community have called the film exploitative and the sex unrealistic. Even given all that, it's still hard to not feel something watching these two women fall in love.

A History of Violence (2005)

While this stands in contrast to the initial sex scene between Maria Bello and Viggo Mortensen (which is filled with a goofy sense of marital bliss), the violent undertones bring up a sense of physicality that Cronenberg wants us to relate to sex. Fortunately, however, Mortensen and Bello's chemistry and relationship let us remember that — underneath the secrets — they still really want (and care for) each other. Also, real talk: Viggo Mortensen on the stairs. There isn't much else to say.

My Summer of Love (2004)
One of Emily Blunt's earliest films is this drama exploring the budding lesbian relationship between two friends.

Kama Sutra (1997)
You can't name a film after the quintessential guide to love-making and have it be dull. This Mira Nair film definitely lives up to its sexy name.

300: Rise of an Empire (2014)
As Artemisia and Themistocles, Eva Green and Sullivan Stapleton get very, very rough. Pretty sure we know where he really wants to plant his sword.

On The Road (2012)
If two-on-one make-outs turn you on, take a gander at this threesome situation unfolding between Garrett Hedlund, Kristen Stewart, and Sam Riley.

Carol (2015)
Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett's characters tiptoe around their relationship for quite some time, but things finally get sexual during a pit stop at a motel room.

Fear (1996)

A rollercoaster and The Sundays' cover of "Wild Horses" make Nicole's (Reese Witherspoon) first sexual experience pretty freaking fantastic. Pity her boyfriend (Mark Wahlberg) is a total monster.

Shakespeare in Love(1998)
Anyone who's really pored over Shakespeare knows that he loved a good sex joke. Here, the famous scribe (played by Joseph Fiennes) actually gets to enjoy a wee romp in yonder sheets with Gwyneth Paltrow's cross-dressing Viola.

Pretty Woman (1999)
The poor pianist who had to tickle those ivories the next day could not be reached for comment.

Anna Karenina(2012)
This steamy scene between Keira Knightley and Aaron Taylor-Johnson should make you regret not paying more attention to Tolstoy in school.

Jamón Jamón(1992)
Current marrieds Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz didn't start dating until 15 years after filming this explosive sex scene. Also: How hilarious is the reaction of the other café patrons?

The Roommate (2011)
Technically, Leighton Meester and Danneel Harris are only kissing here, but there's something so erotic about their lip gloss banter and eagerness to take things to the next level.

American Gigolo (1980)
Richard Gere's male escort Julian must get paid by the hour, because this is the slowest, most painstakingly choreographed sex we've ever witnessed. He and Lauren Hutton are just so pretty, though.

Unfaithful (2002)
Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez demonstrate the undeniable power of soggy make-up sex.

Indochine (1992)
Our Uber driver would not stand for this. By the way, Vincent Perez's character also has an affair with Éliane's (Catherine Deneuve) adopted Vietnamese daughter, Camille. What's French for super-messy?

A Perfect Murder (1998)
Captain Fantastic, indeed. Anyone else desperate for Viggo Mortensen to help them out with a cappuccino?

Chloe (2009)
Julianne Moore plays a doctor who suspects her husband of having an affair. The only reasonable course of action is to hire a call girl (Amanda Seyfried) to test his faithfulness, and then have sex with her, too.

Alfie (2004)
In which Jude Law and Nia Long copulate on a pool table, conveniently ignoring the fact that she's his best friend's girl, and that it's impossible to walk away from this without a nasty case of felt burn.

Laurel Canyon (2002)
Nothing says awkward (but still kinda hot) like making out in the pool with your future mother-in-law and her boyfriend. Allow Kate Beckinsale, Frances McDormand, and Alessandro Nivola to show you how it's done.

The Pillow Book (1996)
Guys, this one is really NSFW. Ewan McGregor's notorious willy has a starring role in his sex scenes with leading lady Vivian Wu. Consider yourself warned... and a little tempted, right?

Risky Business (1983)
If you could not follow Rebecca De Mornay and Tom Cruise's lead on the G train during rush hour, that'd be great.

Taking Lives (2004)
Look away, Brad. Watching Ethan Hawke force Angelina Jolie to suck on his fingers might be a little unsettling.

Derailed (2005)
This extramarital tryst between Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston soon goes very, very badly. Still, there's something about the wet hair and soggy shirts that makes their foreplay fun to watch.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988)
Though there's no shortage of sex scenes in this film adaptation of Milan Kundera's novel, it's this interaction between Juliette Binoche and Lena Olin (as Tereza and Sabina, respectively) that feels the most intimate and sensual.

Swimfan (2002)
When your stalker accidentally drops the L word during swimming pool sex... and you already have a lovely girlfriend. Awkward. Take it away, Erika Christensen and Jesse Bradford.

Incendiary (2008)
This otherwise heart-wrenching drama includes this saucy striptease, which proves that inviting someone over for fish fingers is hotter than it sounds. Alas, you only get a snippet of the action between Michelle Williams and Ewan McGregor in this clip.

Crimson Peak(2015)
Think Taylor Swift will watch Tom Hiddleston's spicy sex scene (complete with a bare bum) with Mia Wasikowska in this gothic thriller and wonder where things went wrong? The action gets underway at about the 4-minute mark.

Kill Your Darlings (2013)
As one YouTube commenter hilariously noted, "10 points to Gryffindor." Former Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe plays Beat poet Allen Ginsberg in this drama featuring one pretty intense love scene.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2011)
Rooney Mara's Lisbeth Salander basically jumps Mikael Blomkvist's (Daniel Craig) bones in this saucy scene. Let's hear it for girls on top.

Undertow(2009)
Also known as Contracorriente, this Peruvian film captures the clandestine relationship between a married fisherman with a baby on the way and the dreamy artist he can't resist.

Southpaw (2015)
When Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams talk about two rounds, they're not really talking about boxing. Hot.

Nina Takes a Lover(1994)
Ladder sex can be risky. Then again, so is cheating on your husband with a tall, dark, and handsome photographer.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Neo (Keanu Reeves) and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) say it best when they say nothing at all.

Out of Sight (1998)
If you like your conversation with a little more action, you'll love this sex scene between bank robber Jack (George Clooney) and U.S. Marshal Karen (Jennifer Lopez).

Revolutionary Road (2008)
When they're not squabbling and bemoaning their suburban existence, Frank and April Wheeler (dynamic duo Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet) manage to squeeze in some hot sex on the kitchen counter.

Out of Time (2003)
Denzel Washington and Sanaa Lathan prove that you don't have to take your clothes off to have a good time (oh no). You just need a strong back and a willingness to suffer a splinter or two.

Legends of the Fall (1994)
The hair. The bum. The name Tristan. Just overlook the fact that Julia Ormond (Susannah) went on to play Brad Pitt's daughter in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Marie Antoinette (2006)
We definitely would have paid more attention in world history class if we'd known how steamy Marie Antoinette's (Kirsten Dunst) sex life was. And yes, Jamie Dornan's Axel von Fersen is infinitely sexier than Christian Grey.

Troy (2004)
There's a thin line between love and hate. Briseis' (Rose Byrne) attempt to kill Achilles (Brad Pitt) results in the two making sweet, gentle love.

The Hunger(1983)
In the 1995 documentary The Celluloid Closet, Susan Sarandon said the script originally called for her character to be drunk before having sex with Catherine Deneuve's character. But, being Sarandon, she asked to have the script changed so she would only drink one glass of wine beforehand.

"You wouldn't have to get drunk to bed Catherine Deneuve," Sarandon says, in the doc. Clearly.

My Beautiful Laundrette (1985)
The sex scene between Daniel Day-Lewis and Gordon Warnecke is both comical — given the unsuspecting presence of the latter's uncle — and erotic.

Top Gun (1986)
It's cheesy, perhaps, but the sex scene between Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis still makes us weak in the knees. You can't beat electric-blue lighting and synth beats.

The Lover (1992)
The sex scenes between Jane March (as the Young Girl) and Tony Leung Ka-fai (as the Chinese Man) were rumored to have been real, rather than simulated. March later dismissed the claims, but that doesn't take away from their steaminess.

Set It Off (1996)
If you want to be more than friends, follow Jada Pinkett-Smith and Blair Underwood's lead and bust out the full-body massage complete with oil and a chain necklace.

Stealing Beauty (1996)
What's lovely about this scene is its sheer coming-of-age quality. Innocence is contrasted with desire, and Mazzy Star hums dreamily in the background.

Bound (1996)
Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon have two memorable sex scenes in this noir-style thriller. Pity Joe Pantoliano has to interrupt one of them.

Dangerous Beauty (1998)
Rufus Sewell and Catherine McCormack's love scenes in this obscure historical drama about a courtesan and her lover still hold up nearly 20 years later.

A Walk on the Moon (1999)
God bless Viggo Mortensen and his commitment to performing cunnilingus on-screen.

Cruel Intentions (1999)
Making love to the tune of Counting Crows? Sounds weird, but it is actually perfect and a totally romantic soundtrack for those quiet, quick, afternoon delights.

Love & Basketball (2000)
Everyone should lose their virginity with Maxwell playing in the background. Omar Epps and Sanaa Lathan perfectly capture those first-time jitters and still keep it sensual.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001)
This is both the plot's literal and figurative climax. The tension between Gael García Bernal and Diego Luna peaks thanks to their mutual attraction to the effortlessly sensual Maribel Verdú. Sex, in this case, is a tool for personal growth rather than primal instinct. Get a hold of the full movie to enjoy; this scene is too hot for YouTube to handle.

Mulholland Drive (2001)
The problem with a straight man filming a lesbian sex scene is that it often feels exploitative. But Naomi Watts and Laura Harring's chemistry is both tender and incredibly erotic. There is love, but also a whole helluva lot of lust.

Sex and Lucia(2001)
This very NSFW clip brings new meaning to the term "mud mask." Go and rent the whole film; half of this Spanish drama starring Paz Vega is devoted to seriously steamy sex scenes.

8 Mile (2002)
This isn't a sexy movie. But the in-your-face, raw desire between Eminem and Brittany Murphy is still hot as hell.

The Dreamers (2003)
If we could, we'd embed the entire movie here, because it's one big sex scene. Instead, here's a compilation of the most important moments in a movie of self-discovery through sex.

Atonement (2007)
This brief moment is enough to doom the characters' lives. Briony's nosiness, jealousy, and naivety ruin the passion that's been building between Cecilia and Robbie. Their entire relationship thrives off this scene. It's their rock as much as it's their demise. Despite all of this, the intensity of their desire is palpable.

The Duchess (2008)
Keira Knightley's Duchess of Devonshire is only accustomed to the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am overtures of her husband. Lady Bess Foster (Hayley Atwell), who happens to be sleeping with the Duke, convinces the Duchess to take on a lover of her own by showing her just how sensual intercourse can be. What are friends for?

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)
The threesome scene gets all the glory, but Scarlett Johansson and Javier Bardem's frantic kissing is just as hypnotic. Just try to forget that Woody Allen was in the room.

Black Swan (2010)
Fun fact: This scene comes on an hour and nine minutes — a.k.a. 69 minutes — into the film. Aside from that, just uttering the phrase "Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in bed together" brings to mind the naughtiest of thoughts. Sex and danger make for perilous but exciting partners; this scene is a testament to that.

Blue Valentine (2010)
Though this movie is anything but romantic, the sexual chemistry (when applicable) is on fire. It's unfortunate that couldn't save their relationship, but it is a testament to the incredible talents of Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling.

Free Fall (2013)
These two German cops can't resist getting it on, even though one of them is living with his pregnant girlfriend. Warning: may inspire you to take up running.

The Spectacular Now (2013)
Forget that Miles Teller and Shailene Woodley now play brother and sister. As first-time lovers, they toe the line between awkwardness and intimacy in a beautiful, realistic-feeling way.

The Danish Girl(2015)
Before Einar (Eddie Redmayne) transitions into Lili, his lovemaking with wife Gerda (Alicia Vikander) sensually explores gender roles in the bedroom.

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↧

The Saddest Breakup Songs Of All Time

April 19, 2017, 12:55 pm

≫ Next: Kendall & Kylie Jenner Had The Weirdest Chore Growing Up

≪ Previous: The Hottest Movie Sex Scenes, Ever (NSFW)

The Ronettes had it all wrong. The best part of breaking up is not the making up. That rarely happens, and when it does, it often leads to more breaking up.

No, the real pleasure in having your soul shredded by another human being comes in the days, weeks, months, or maybe even years of wallowing that follow. It’s a chance to wear pajama bottoms past noon and indulge in some serious self-reflection — the type that makes you a stronger, better person. This journey into the self can be scary, but luckily, generations of musicians have written songs to soundtrack the plunge.

What follows are the saddest (and therefore finest) breakup songs of all time. On this list you’ll find no TSwizz “We’re Never Ever Getting Back Together" (too empowering) or Alanis Morissette “You Oughta Know” (too angry). These songs are plain and simple, rip-your-heart-out sad. Play ‘em just loud enough to drown out the sobbing.

**“Stay,” Lisa Loeb**
Everyone’s favorite bespectacled over-thinker hit on something universal with the line, “I think that I’m throwing, but I’m thrown.” That’s what it’s like being in a bad relationship. The question of “should I stay or should I go?” isn’t always a binary yes-no kind of thing. Sometimes, it sends you down the kind of emotional rabbit hole Loeb goes into here, with winning results.
Photo: Courtesy of Geffen.

**"Need You Now," Lady Antebellum**
In this unabashed cheese-fest, two exes say to us what they wish they were saying to each other. The couple seems a moment away from getting back together.

**"If You See Her Say Hello" by Bob Dylan**
Bob Dylan's trying to play it casual in this ballad, but he's dying to hear how his ex is doing.

**“It Must Have Been Love,” Roxette**
Immortalized in *Pretty Woman*, “It Must Have Been Love” represents the perfect ratio of schlock to sentiment. In someone like Celine Dion’s hands, this would have been a complete disaster, but the Swedish duo of Marie Fredriksson and Per Gessle gaze off to “where the water flows” and “where the wind blows” without sounding like ‘90s Disney characters.
Photo: Courtesy of EMI.

**“All Cried Out,” Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam**
A year before freestyle queen Lisa Velez topped the charts with the gushy, lovey-dovey 1987 smash “Head to Toe,” she went the opposite route, putting foot to heart and pressing down hard. “Don’t you know the hurt will cause an inferno?” she sings, helpless against a fire that buckets of tears have failed to extinguish.
Photo: Courtesy of Columbia.

**“Don’t Turn Around,” Ace of Base**
Typically, neither crossover reggae hits nor songs by Swedish pop foursomes are known for being particularly sad. (When was the last time Sublime or Abba made you bawl?) For whatever reason, though, this moody summer jam — all about keeping a brave face while having your heart ripped out — has less bounce than a punctured beach ball.
Photo: Courtesy of Arista.

**"Woke Up New" by the Mountain Goats**
Sung in John Darnielle's gravelly, raw voice, this song perfectly encapsulates the feeling of freedom and deep loneliness that occurs during the days following a breakup. "On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time / I felt free and I felt lonely and I felt scared," the song opens.
The lyrics describe the sense of wandering through daily life with a phantom partner — not there in presence, but there in mind. Darnielle repeats, "What am I gonna do without you?" It's the unanswerable question. He'll do everything he did before, but after waking up new, nothing's the same.
As the lyrics go, "I got ready for the future to arrive." But for now, he's here in the present, and nothing's right at all.
Courtesy of 4AD

**"The Heart Wants What It Wants" Selena Gomez**
SelGo's ballad tore us apart when it first debuted — mainly because it was presumably about Justin Bieber. (Sigh.) Like many great breakup songs, the tune details that moment when you're teetering on the edge, deciding if the relationship has reached its end.
Also, it's a great karaoke song.

**"Stupid In Love," Rihanna**
When it comes to rousing anthems of love gone wrong, Rihanna reigns supreme. This 2009 single from her album *Rated R* emphasizes the idiocy involved in all failed relationships. Simply put: love is stupid. Relationships are stupid. We're all stupid. (Stupid in love, one might say.)

**"A Million Reasons," Lady Gaga**
Our Lady Gaga just went through a breakup of her own — she ended an engagement to actor Taylor Kinney while she was writing her newest album *Joanne*. Fittingly, the album is imbued with both mourning and a come-together rallying cry. The song "Million Reasons" narrates the harrowing decision to dump someone.
"You're giving me a million reasons to let you go," Gaga sings.
But, ultimately, we want to stay no matter what, right? The chorus ends with this unfortunate truth: "Baby, I just need one good one to stay."

**"Never Let Me Go," Florence + The Machine**
Florence Welch, with her melancholic croon, has always produced music that hits you in the proverbial feels. Even her happier songs, like "Dog Days Are Over," hint at a deep sadness. "Never Let Me Go"is probably her weepiest production — or weep-inducing. Note: that isn't to say the song is despondent. Somewhere in those hollow calls, there's a hope for the future.
The sweeping chorus goes, "And the arms of the ocean are carrying me/And all this devotion was rushing out of me/ And the crashes are heaven for a sinner like me/ But the arms of the ocean delivered me."
The ocean-as-lover metaphor works in two ways: the ocean can envelop you and make you feel surrounded. It can also swallow you whole. Weeping yet?

**"Deep Blue Sea," Grizzly Bear**
The Grizzly Bear song keeps this melancholy tune simple with a repetitive structure — each verse reads the same line twice, building an incessant, obliging refrain. The song uses metaphor to allude to all that achey breakey pain, and it works.
The second verse croons: "Dig his grave darlin with a /silver spade/ Dig his grave darlin with a /silver spade."
"Him" being, well, you know.
Photo: Courtesy of 4AD.

**"Slow Dancing In A Burning Room," John Mayer**
John Mayer seems to specialize in the moony love song, the moony crush song, and, of course, the moony breakup song. There's just something about that slow croon that scream melancholy romance. "Slow Dancing In A Burning Room" speaks to the final stages of a relationship — when you're fully aware that this relationship ain't headed anywhere good.
"This is the deep and dyin' breath of/This love we've been workin' on," Mayer sings. In essence, the song is a eulogy for love lost, but it's actually not all that plaintive. This is the breakup song that resolves the relationship turmoil, and it's best for listening when you're coming to terms with that newly single life.

**"Gives You Hell" All-American Rejects**
The pop-punk hit from 2008 is post-breakup bitching at its best. The refrain — "Hope it gives you hell" — summarizes our most juvenile sentiments toward an ex. It's fun, angsty, and a great song to shout at your ex as they're driving away in their getaway car or whatever.
"Truth be told, I miss you," the All-American Rejects sing. But it's a fake out! They continue, "And truth be told, I'm lyin'!"
The song is one giant, delicious middle finger to exes everywhere, and it's oh-so-satisfying.
Photo: Courtesy of DGC - Interscope.

**"Sober," Childish Gambino**
Gambino (Donald Glover) has always been a melancholy sort, crooning about the trials of the music industry and the perils of existence. "Sober" features CG's plaintive falsetto singing about the need to be inebriated after a breakup.
He sings throughout the track, "And now that it's over, I'll never be sober."
Yup, sounds about right.

**"Seven Days Of Lonely," I-Nine**
The popular pop-rock song from the mid-aughts is quintessential shower singing. This is angsty lady pop at its best — call it a guilty pleasure if you want. Directed at a past lover, the lyrics are just plain tacky. (Which is exactly what we want post-breakup.)
Lead singer Carmen Keigans sings , "Tell me how I'm gonna make it, you're the one I can't forget/It's like I'm running in slow motion in a nightmare that never ends." Feel free to actually run in slow motion when you hear this part.
And then she puts it plainly: "God, I wish you could hold me through the seven days of lonely."

**"Cranes In The Sky," Solange Knowles**
From her third album *A Seat At The Table*, "Cranes" is about the desperate need to please, especially in the face of abject failure. Sound familiar? The title refers to man-made metal cranes used in construction. The lyrics read as a catalogue of various attempts at healing. Like a metal crane, the singer wants to construct a way of remaining 'above' the world's maladies.
"I ran my credit card up," Knowles sings. "Thought a new dress would make it better." On a macro scale, the song is about pain in general — not just romance-induced ills — but the melancholy tone is the perfect complement for breakup blues.

**"If I Ain't Got You," Alicia Keys**
Alicia Keys was onto something with this track, from her (arguably) greatest album, The Diary of Alicia Keys. The R&B singer was soulful and subtle on this album, and this song's simplicity made it a standout. Also: it was just really fun to sing (albeit offkey).
"Hand me the world on a silver platter, and what good would it be?" she asked. "Someone people want it all / But I don't want nothing at all / If it ain't you baby."

**"Gravity Don't Pull Me," Rostam**
You know when the breakup is messy and sad and entirely your fault? Former Vampire Weekend bandmate Rosstam Batmanglij goes solo on this sad breakup track.
"And the worst things I ever did / was to this same boy I couldn't help it," he sings. "I messed things up / And it broke my heart."

**"Don't Give Up On Me," Solomon Burke**
The singer famous for "Cry To Me" — you probably know it from Dirty Dancing — makes a true break up song. Soul singer Solomon Burke won a Grammy for the album, which borrows its title from this song.
"Hang in there baby, sooner or later," Burke asks plainly. "I know I'll get it right."

**"Missing," The XX**
The XX are really great at making songs about relationships. Not the breakup anthems or the Lemonade-style dizzying divorce solos — XX's songs are about the nuances of every stage of a romance, even when it's stalled.
"My heart is beating / In a different way," they sing. "Been gone such a long time / I don't feel the same."

**"Echoes of Silence," The Weeknd**
Before the lights and glamour of OVOXO, The Weeknd released Trilogy, an album of his mixtape songs that were floating around the internet. "Echoes of Silence" is one of the weepier tunes: Abel is asking his lover why she insists on hurting them both.
"It's gonna end how you expected girl you're such a masochist and I ask why," Weeknd asks. But the woman is as emotionally ravaged as he is: "And you reply... / I like the thrill / Nothing's gonna make me feel this real." Ouch.

**"These Arms Of Mine," Otis Redding**
No one does break up songs better than Otis Redding. "These Arms Of Mine" isn't particularly weepy, but you can hear the longing in Redding's deep voice. "These arms of mine, they are yearning / Yearning from wanting you / And if you would let them hold you / Oh, how grateful I will be," the master of soul sings.
The lyrics are simple — Redding wishes his lover was back in his arms — but the way his voice ascends and drops is deeply moving.

**"Take A Fall For Me," James Blake Feat. RZA**
James Blake and RZA play with the push-pull of a relationship that's soured because of a struggle to commit. The song's plot is simple enough: Blake/RZA are men who loved sleeping with a woman that wants more. When she decides to take another man's proposal, their world shatters.
"What will become of me / If I can’t show my love to thee? / What will become of me?" RZA questions, his voice full of regret.
Photo: Courtesy of Republic Records.

**"I Care," Beyoncé**
Beyoncé *cares*, y'all: "I told you how you hurt me, baby / But you don't care / Now I'm crying and deserted, baby / But you don't care."
Bey's vocals are piercing, and they should be. It hurts to be the only one putting in effort, caring about whether or not a relationship can be sustained. Once again, Beyoncé says it better than anyone else ever could.
Photo: Courtesy of Parkwood.

**"Not Gon' Cry," Mary J. Blige**
In *Waiting To Exhale*, this song plays when Angela Bassett is deserted by her cheating husband. It might be the greatest break up song ever — the tempo feels like a desperate whine. MJB always delivers.
Photo: Courtesy of Arista.

**“Doing It Wrong,” Drake“**
We live in a generation of not being love / And not being together,” says the prophet Aubrey Drake Graham on this track. We’ve seen weepy Drake, lit Drake, Big Rings Drake. But this is the rapper’s magnum opus of sad breakup songs. Are you crying? We are.
Drake and his lover can’t seem to break up properly. They’re too invested, too intimate. It’s hard to stop needing someone, Drake explains. But he needs someone different.
Photo: Courtesy of Young Money Entertainment.

**"Phantom Other," Phantom Other**
Grizzly Bear co-lead singer Daniel Rossen supposedly wrote this song in a moment of frustration with his co-lead Ed Droste. You can feel the irritation in the deliberately slow pacing: "What would it take," he repeats and over and over again, "to make you *listen*?"
Rossen and Droste never broke up — the bandmates still friendly — but the sentiment of being at your wits' end in how to deal with someone who can't feel your pain is real.
Photo: Courtesy of 4AD.

**“Marvins Room,” Drake**
Aubrey has a lot of emotions, and “Marvins Room” is when they’re the most raw. This is sad, regretful Drake: He’s addicted to thinking about the women that have abandoned him, and wants to tease them (and himself) with a drunken phone call. He’s made it big time, and wants to show off his success.
But what does he have to show for his fame? What has being “25 sitting on $25 mil” brought? Late nights and loneliness. His ex has moved on with someone else, and he’s trapped in her memory. “I’m just saying you could do better,” he sings.
Photo: Courtesy of Young Money Entertainment.

**"First Song for B," Devendra Banhart**
It's hard to listen to this song without feeling an little bit of an ache. Devendra is in newly in love, and emboldened by it. "I wanna see you be the one who’s first light harbors in the new day / And see you settle into yourself," he sings quietly. "And never be afraid."
But love comes with the inevitable risk of disappointment and distress: "Please destroy me," he begs.

**“Summertime,” Vince Staples**
“Summertime” begins and ends with a hook that echoes: “This could be forever, baby,” Vince says. His voice isn’t tender, but sad — the relationship he’s talking about could never be forever. He’s asking a girl to stay with him beyond summer, but knows that she won’t.
Summertime ‘06 really is about that summer, and the crossroads it presented in the rapper’s life. In the album’s 20+ songs he zigs and zags between playful and precious. Summertime speaks to the latter: It’s love that keeps him home, but it’s the same love that’s tearing him apart.
“My feelings told me love is real / But feelings known to get you killed / I feel as if I'm misconstrued / I spend my moments missin' you,” he says.
Photo: Courtesy of Def Jam.

**“White Ferrari,” Frank Ocean**
So Frank *finally* dropped the album. Blonde is marvellous, and White Ferrari is a sad-song highlight. Something about Frank Ocean’s voice feels intimate and close as he talks about a former love, before the song builds into layers and layers of songs and emotion.
Once Frank and his former lover could communicate without even speaking; now he only has his imagination of what they could have been. “I care for you still and I will forever / That was my part of the deal, honest / We got so familiar,” he sings.
Photo: Courtesy of Boys Don't Cry.

**“How Can You Mend A Broken Heart,” Al Green**
Is there a song more suited to a particularly steamy, sad night? Is there a song more perfect for a bottle of whiskey and a long scroll through an ex’s engagement album? Al Green’s voice has that soft '70s vibe, and the violins whine and whimper. Here's your late night breakup song.
“How can you mend this broken man? How can a loser ever win?” Green asks, his voice sadly soulful. Somebody please help me mend my broken heart / And let me live again.”
Photo: Courtesy of Motown/Universal Records.

**"White," Frank Ocean & Odd Future**
While we wait for *Boys Don't Cry* — whatever it is and whenever it arrives — this Frank Ocean deep cut is worth a revisit. Ocean sings a capella here, thinking out loud about love, heaven, and his fear of being swallowed into his own darkness.
"Could this be Earth? Could this be light?" Ocean asks. "Does this mean everything is going to be alright?" He's brought into the bounty of the afterlife's warmth and light, but still considers a former love. "But I'll forget 23 like I forgot 17," he says. "And I forget my first love, like you forget a daydream."
Photo: Courtesy of Odd Future Records.

**"A Message," Kelela**
Kelela's voice sounds like something that drifted in from another planet. This song opens her EP Hallucinogen, and it sets the tone for the emotional, moody release.
On this track, Kelela sees everything with newfound clarity. She's speaking to an ex-lover, revealing their relationship's hardest truth: she has never satisfied him. A clean break is required. "You don't even see me," she sings, asking, "Are you even breathing?"
Photo: Courtesy of Warp.

**“Like You’ll Never See Me Again,” Alicia Keys**
By now we know that Alicia Keys is not — despite her efforts to the contrary — a soprano. But she had us fooled (and weeping) with "Like You’ll Never See Me Again." She became an exciting artist to behold with this track, and its delicate R & B melody hasn’t aged. “On the dreamy lullaby ‘Like You’ll Never See Me Again,’ [Keys] ponders whether she’ll be appreciated after a lover stops calling her name,” wrote Rodney Dugue for *Spin*. A bonus: The song’s music video is equally heart-wrenching, even though it can never be forgiven for insinuating that it’s possible for Common to die.
Photo: Courtesy of J Records.

**“Caretaker,” D.R.A.M. feat. SZA**
D.R.A.M. revisits a highlight of Donnie Trumpet and the Social Experiment's *Surf*, this time adding the perspective of SZA. The song is about two people who aren’t together anymore but still care deeply about one another: “I’ll take care of you, I will / Even if I got a man now,” SZA sings. These are friends from day one unable to untangle their lives: “I’ma be there, ‘cause I wasn’t there.”
Photo: Courtesy of W.A.V.E. Recordings.

**“Gimme All Your Love,” Alabama Shakes**
Alabama Shakes is a good band, but it’s Brittany Howard’s voice that is central to making this song work. Her request — not just “love me,” but “give me all the love you have” — starts out as a whisper and grows into a growl. Maybe she’s singing about a punch-drunk love on its last legs, or a spark that’s dimmed.
Songs don’t have to be weepy and quiet to be sad. The great guitar riff around the track’s three-minute mark is like the push-pull of a toxic romance, a back-and-forth that continues (probably) despite a lover’s better judgment.
Photo: Courtesy of ATO Records.

**"Bad Religion," Frank Ocean**
Obligatory friendly reminder that we, the people, are still waiting for Frank’s next album. (Cc: Frank Ocean, Bcc: Odd Future)
Could “Bad Religion” be the best track on an album that’s nearly perfect? No matter the answer, everything about this song is pitch-perfect on late-night desperation and loneliness. “I can never make him love me,” Ocean repeats. To recover from an unrequited love so barren, he might have to beg for a blessing from any god he can find.
Photo: Courtesy of Def Jam Recordings.

**“Plastic Bag,” Drake & Future**
“If anybody know, I know,” Drake mumbles at the song’s opening. We’re listening to *What a Time to Be Alive* Drake, the 6ix God himself, Drake punctuated by Future. This isn't the open-wound Drake of albums past. On a record that manages to mimic a bit of the zeal and excess of *Watch the Throne*, “Plastic Bag” is a moment of real tenderness and sincerity.
Drake has a documented history of knowing and liking strippers. But this song isn’t about poles or thongs, it’s his way of sweetly appreciating the labor of these dancers, while also somberly observing the warped morality of his lavish lifestyle. Every syllable is weighed down by his guilt.
Photo: Courtesy of OVO Sound.

**“The Greatest,” Cat Power**
Cat Power’s bluesy voice drugs listeners into an easy melancholy. The musician (whose real name is Chan Marshall) expertly walks the line of beautiful but tortured. “Once I wanted to be the greatest,” she murmurs. “No wind or waterfall could stall me / And then came the rush of the flood / Stars at night turned deep to dust.” This song is about her complicated relationship with fame, but the soft rat-tat-tat of the drums makes it a great track for a cloudy-day cry.
Photo: Courtesy of Matador Records.

**“Foreground,” Grizzly Bear**
Grizzly Bear is deceptively simple. Upon the release of 2009’s Veckatimest, Pitchfork called “Foreground” masterful and muted. The song is anchored by a piano melody as it winds and twists its way into your wounds.
“Take all evening, I’ll just be cleaning,” frontman Edward Droste suggests. Take an evening to cry with this song. It’s the perfect background music to heal your woes head-on.
Photo: Courtesy of Warp.

**“End of the Road,” Boyz II Men**
The secret to life is that this is the greatest song ever written. The way it slowly builds from a regular '90s ballad into a hymn of loneliness and sadness is mythic in that uniquely New Jack Swing way. It’s a deeply affecting breakup song but with a kind of the groupthink of wounded machismo: “Why do you play with my heart, why do you play with my mind,” the quartet croons.
Photo: Courtesy of Motown Records.

**“You Always Hurt The Ones You Love,” Ryan Gosling**
Remember *Blue Valentine*? Remember how it made you weep? Remember how the movie’s trailer still sometimes does? This soft Ryan Gosling melody is a major reason why.
The Mills Brothers made this song popular decades ago, but Gosling’s character isn’t a singer, so his voice cracks and stumbles over the lyrics. His uneven, tuneless sound is perfect. It’s slow and sad, and the movie’s ending raises its profile as a song ideal for a good weekend cry.
Photo: Courtesy of Lakeshore Records.

**“I’d Rather Go Blind,” Beyoncé**
It goes without saying that this is an Etta James song — it’s always been an Etta James song. But Yoncé's cover for the 2008 drama *Cadillac Records* is spectacularly heartbreaking. And it might even be better.
The premise is simple enough: “I’d rather be blind, boy,” Bey sings, “than to see you walk away from me.” Her voice rises to match the song’s crescendo, and the effect is staggering. With this cover, Bey will have you missing your first relationship, your last relationship, and maybe even the train home.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony Legacy.

**“Higher,” Rihanna**
So, this isn’t technically a song about “breaking up.” But it’s still a song about missing someone, trying to move on, and feeling caught in the clutches of a relationship that has soured. In an interview with *Vogue*, RiRi herself compared it to a drunk voice mail: “You know he’s wrong, and then you get drunk and you’re like, ‘I could forgive him. I could call him. I could make up with him.’ Just, desperate.”
An added bonus: The song just sounds beautiful. “[ *Anti*] is an intimate process, and Rihanna lets us see the fingerprints, the sweat stains, the fine lines,” wrote Jenna Wortham for *The New York Times Magazine*. “Her voice cracks as she sings ‘I hope I ain’t calling you too late’ over whining violins on ‘Higher,’ wobbling in a decidedly unpolished way. Seeing those seams is its own kind of beautiful, and a rarity in a pop world that tends toward polish and perfection.”
Photo: Courtesy of Roc Nation.

**“Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want,” The Smiths**
For breakups, bad days, and rainy afternoons, there are few groups more perfect than The Smiths. “Please, Please, Please” is gloomy, brooding, and oddly charming all at once. “See the luck I’ve had can make a good man bad,” Morrissey sings.
So what if *500 Days of Summer* kind of made The Smiths cool for the Manic Pixie Dream Girl crowd? The song is just so easy to weep to.
Photo: Courtesy of Rough Trade Records.

**“Dreams,” Kelsey Lu**
Kelsey Lu’s voice reverberates with a bewitching frequency as she sings about loving a boy that’s bad for her. Lu’s voice drags into a guttural moan that’s deeply moving. “I’m out drinking every night, hoping I’ll run into you,” she sings. “I know you’re no good, but I can’t get enough of you.”
Lu is a new artist and an accomplished cello player. At 18, she ran away to music school and has been growing into an artist to watch since. “Lu gently builds from distant, piercing intensity to something heavy and mournful,” wrote Laura Snapes from *Pitchfork*.
Photo: Courtesy of Emmanuel Olunkwa.

**“Time Flies,” Lykke Li**
Lykke Li is weak and tired. Relationships are taxing, and breakups come with not only an emotional exhaustion, but a physical one too. The way her voice is barely a whisper, the way it fades in and out — her physical tiredness is palpable.
“I get weak, I miss sleep, I get moody,” the Swedish indie-pop singer croons. The song is called “Time Flies,” but it’s the perfect sad song because it shows exactly how time can drag.
Photo: Courtesy of LL Recordings.

**“Samson,” Regina Spektor**
Okay, so you used this song to get over your high school crush. And then you used it to get over your high school boyfriend. And then you used it just on long drives home in college. But this track is one of Regina Spektor’s greatest and most heartbreaking works of art.
The striking imagery — cutting a lover’s hair with blunt scissors, kissing in the morning light — is still there, and still just as moving. But Spektor also gets at a moving truth most sad love songs don’t talk about: “The history books forgot about us and the Bible didn't mention us, not even once.”
Photo: Courtesy of Sire Records.

**“Sandcastles,” Beyoncé**
Sometimes, losing love leads to more than just a breakup, it becomes a full-fledged crisis of faith. *Lemonade* isn't a "breakup album," but an album about the deepest recesses of loss: losing love, losing sanity, losing yourself as a relationship crumbles.
This track is a turning point on the album — it suggests the possibility of forgiveness — but you’re still left with these crippling lines: “Bitch, I scratched out your name and your face / What is it about you that I can't erase, baby?” She’s not just talking about "Becky with the good hair." This is a much more intimate loss.
Photo: Courtesy Parkwood/Columbia.

**“Lover’s Spit,” Feist**
This stripped-down version of the Broken Social Scene track bares all about unromantic sex and loveless physicality. Feist’s patchy vocals add to the song’s sad simplicity about lost connection: We’re all too busy smooching and swiping right to really engage with one another. “You know it's time that we grow old and do some shit.” You won’t be crying over one breakup with this song; it preys on nostalgia for youthful romances and flirtatious flings, too.
Photo: Courtesy of Arts & Crafts.

**“Ne Me Quitte Pas,” Nina Simone**
For starters, the title is French for “Don’t Leave Me.” But you don’t have to understand another language to feel the deep unrest in Simone’s soul on this song. Simone — a truly distinct and talented vocalist (and concert pianist) — mourns her love, offering him rain and earth and everything in between. She’ll hide herself in his shadow after being rejected. “I will dig the earth / Until after my death / To cover your body / With gold and light.” Maybe don’t look up the French translation. Simone’s voice is enough to echo through your heart’s caverns.
Photo: Courtesy of Metro.

**“I’m Goin’ Down,” Mary J. Blige**
Mary J. Blige was in her 20s when she covered a less popular Rose Royce song from the 1970s for her 1994 *My Life* album. MJB croons about when sleep isn’t easy and everything is going wrong. Her tearful apology is the saddest song to come of the canon of heartbreaking '90s R & B tracks.
Photo: Uptown/MCA Records.

**"Skinny Love," Bon Iver**
Bon Iver, a.k.a. Justin Vernon, once told Pitchfork that "Skinny Love" is about when "you're in a relationship because you need help, but that's not necessarily why you *should* be in a relationship." That anguish fills every note of this plaintive song. By the time Vernon wails, "And now all your love is wasted/ And then who the hell was I?" You'll want to cry out along with him. Also, if Vernon's notoriously bad enunciation means you can't really understand what he's saying, there's always the beautiful Birdy cover.
Photo:

**"Shiver," Lucy Rose**
We first got wind of Rose's sweetly melancholy tune when it was employed during the Adam-Hannah split in season 4 of *Girls*. Since then, it's been a go-to for when we're feeling weepy. Rose doesn't place the blame on her romantic partner for the split; she admits responsibility. But even though the breakup was mutual, she remains nostalgic for the good moments. "Shiver" is the perfect song for when you know you need to move on, but just can't.

**"A Case Of You," Joni Mitchell**
Joni Mitchell's conversational, devastating song, describes what it's like when a relationship is over but a connection to another person remains. "You're in my blood like holy wine/ You taste so bitter and so sweet," she sings. There are plenty of songs on *Blue* that will do the trick if you're looking to wallow, but "A Case Of You" articulates what it's like to a lose someone who has burrowed into your soul.
Photo: Courtesy of Warner Bros. Records.

**“Someone Like You,” Adele**
There’s a war going down inside Adele’s head. She wants her ex to be happy, and yet she finds herself wandering past his flat, hoping he’ll see her, remember the good times, and forget all about his new girl, who happens to be his wife. “Never mind, I’ll find someone like you,” she sings, though she, like Sinead, knows that nothing compares.
Photo: Courtesy of XL Recordings/Columbia.

**“Love Is Stronger Than Pride,” Sade**
Pride vs. love is like your JV high school basketball team vs. the 2012-13 Miami Heat. Sade knows all about the mismatch, and while she wishes she could hate this guy who's wrecked her life, the affection she feels is quick and tenacious, like the triumvirate of LeBron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade. All she can do is run out the clock and hope to rebuild next season.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony.

**“I Can’t Make You Love Me,” Bonnie Raitt**
Is it a breakup song if the people in question are still sharing a bed? In this all-time soul-crusher, the intimacy is purely physical, and as unfulfilling as that is, Bonnie will take it — for a little bit longer. “Morning will come and I'll do what's right / Just give me till then to give up this fight,” she sings, working up the strength to walk away. “And I will give up this fight.”
Photo: Courtesy of Capitol.

**“Nothing Compares 2 U,” Sinead O’Connor**
If you know the exact amount of time that’s elapsed since you got dumped, you’re in deep trouble. On this Prince-penned classic, we meet Sinead “seven hours and 15 days” after her love took a hike, and she’s still reeling. She’s even been to the see the doctor. Doc's advice: Have some fun. Even in Ireland, the health-care system is whack.
Photo: Courtesy of Parlophone.

**“Song Cry,” Jay-Z**
Rappers have feelings, too. The thing about Jay is that he has trouble showing his, so in lieu of shedding actual tears, he aims to “make this song cry.” He does a decent job, though even as he opens his heart and apologizes to the girl he cheated on, he doesn’t quite ditch the macho posturing that might have made this tender mea culpa ring truer.
Photo: Courtesy of Roc-a-Fella Records.

**“Pictures of You,” The Cure**
Robert Smith has been writing intensely personal, moody songs of heartbreak pretty much since he founded The Cure in 1976. But this one is the most beautiful. Almost eight minutes long, "Pictures of You" finds Smith reflecting on memories of a person he loved, triggered by old photographs. “Remembering you falling into my arms / Crying for the death of your heart / You were stone white, so delicate, lost in the cold,” he sings. “You were always so lost in the dark.” For a Goth boy who is still married to his high school sweetheart, he sure knows how to capture the pain of lost love.
Photo: Courtesy of Elektra.

**“Crying,” Roy Orbison**
There’s nothing worse than bumping into your ex and having to pretend you’re not a total whimpering mess. Roy figures he pulls it off — “You couldn’t tell that I’d been crying” — and if he does, he’s a hell of an actor. In that signature opera-billy style of his, Orbison sings with a hurt not easily hidden.
Photo: Courtesy of WAX TIME.

**“Caroline, No,” The Beach Boys**
Originally titled “Carol, I Know,” this song became infinitely better when Brian Wilson misunderstood collaborator Tony Asher’s initial reading of the lyrics. The narrator in this song doesn’t know Jack. “Where did your long hair go?” he asks. “Where is the girl I used to know?” “Could I ever find in you again things that made me love you so much then?” If the bummed-out orch-pop backing is any indication, the answers to that last question is “Brian, no.”
Photo: Courtesy of Capitol.

**“You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away,” The Beatles**
Everyone tells John Lennon he should suppress his feelings and go about his business, but this guy’s business was expressing his feelings. They come through in a big way on this transitional Beatles cut.
Photo: Courtesy of Capitol.

**“Lost Cause,” Beck**
Arguably the saddest song on Beck’s saddest album, this is the slow, strummy equivalent of waving a white flag. Poor Beck knows there’s nothing he can do to save this girl from herself, so he’s pulling his forces and signing whatever treaty he needs in order to escape with his sanity.
Photo: Courtesy of Interscope.

**“Nothing Better,” The Postal Service**
Selective memory is a the worst. The male character in this synth-pop duet figures there’d be nothing sweeter than marrying the girl who’s recently left him. Unfortunately, she’s prepared charts and graphs to remind him of why the good times weren’t that good. This is young love in the time of Excel.
Photo: Courtesy of Sub-Pop Records.

**“You Left Me Standing In the Doorway,” Bob Dylan**
Dylan waited until he was 56 to write one of the best lines of his career: “Don’t know if I saw you, if I would kiss you or kill you.” That, like the title, pretty much says it all, but then he goes one better: “It probably wouldn’t matter to you anyhow.” It’s a rascally line from a guy who’s wicked bummed but still pretty feisty.
Photo: Courtesy of Columbia.

**“The Heart Remains A Child,” Everything But the Girl**
In this song, vocalist Tracey Thorn bluntly asks a question that occurs too often during heartbreak: "Why don't you love me?" If that seems like a simplistic inquiry, well, that's sort of the point. This song perfectly expresses how we regress after heartbreak, and fall into our same, mopey patterns.
Photo: Courtesy of Virgin Records.

**“Stay,” Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko**
Rih clears a little path through a hoarder’s den of messy feelings on this confusing piano ballad. “Not really sure how I feel about it,” she confesses, right before her duet partner, Mikky Ekko, sings the same line. These are two people who are completely wrong for each other, and when they join their voices on the line “funny, you’re the broken one, but I’m the only one who needed saving,” it’s like they’re both dishing blame and seeking salvation at the same time.
Photo: Courtesy of ISLAND-DEF JAM.

**“Again,” Janet Jackson**
When Janet hears her former boo is back in town, she goes off on a soul-searching journey that begins with wishful thinking (“I’ll never fall in love with you again”) and ends with acceptance (“God knows I do love you again”). The single-word title may be a predictor of how this story ends.
Photo: Courtesy of Virgin Records.

**“Almost Blue,” Elvis Costello**
“There’s a girl here and she’s almost you,” Elvis sings, weary like a lounge singer playing to a roomful of 2 a.m. drunks. He’s found a new romance that leaves him a little cold — “almost blue” — and that makes for one chilly-ass torch song.
Photo: Courtesy of Hip-O Records.

**“Heartless,” Kanye West**
At the risk of being melodramatic, Kanye dubs this “the coldest story ever told.” It’s the tale of two former lovers — presumably Yeezy and former fiancée, Alexis Phifer — who’ve wronged each other and wound up bitter enemies. “How could you be so Dr. Evil?” he raps, too mentally spent to muster anything better than an Austin Powers joke.
Photo: Courtesy of Roc-A-Fella Records.

**“You Were Meant for Me,” Jewel**
If you ask *Parks and Recreation* protagonist Leslie Knope, there are few problems that can’t be solved by breakfast foods. Jewel might beg to differ. “I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too / I got my maple syrup, everything but you,” she sings, unwilling to accept her sugary a.m. feast as a substitute for the one that got away. Eventually, Jewel tells herself, he’ll realize they’re meant for each other. Until then, Mrs. Butterworth will have to pick up the slack.
Photo: Courtesy of Atlantic.

**"The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,” Weezer**
Rivers Cuomo has it even worse than Robert Smith does in “Pictures of You.” On this *Blue Album* gem, the Weezer frontman is talking to wallet photos and losing his grip on reality. “You laughed, enchanted by my intellect,” he sings to his ex. “Or maybe you didn't.” Either way, he won’t be adding any more smiley snapshots of this girl to his plastic sheath.
Photo: Courtesy of Geffen.

**“I Will Always Love You,” Whitney Houston**
That towering, thunderous, ground-shaking “And I…” high note Whitney hits toward the end of this monster ballad makes total sense. Written by Dolly Parton, this is one of the most selfless love songs of all time, and before taking her leave of the man she knows she’s holding back, Whitney gets in one last show of dignity: an extended vowel sound people will be talking about until the end of time.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony Music Entertainment.

**“It’s Too Late,” Carole King**
It’s the sense of finality that makes this 1971 chart-topper such a killer. “Something inside has died, and I can’t hide it,” King sings, a little sad, a little relieved to no longer have to carry on a charade. “And I just can’t fake it.”
Photo: Courtesy of Sony.

**“Don’t Speak,” No Doubt**
Success must have been bittersweet for Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal, punk-ska’s answer to Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham. No Doubt’s breakthrough 1996 single (and lone No. 1) is all about their breakup — an emotional earthquake Gwen clearly hadn’t recovered from the day she cut this vocal.
Photo: Courtesy of Interscope.

**“Are You Lonesome Tonight,” Elvis Presley**
In the famous spoken-word part, a truly miserable-sounding Elvis looks back on a failed relationship like a theater critic reviewing a play. Act one was great. Act two: not so much. Looking ahead to the act three, Elvis is only willing to entertain one possible ending. “If you won't come back to me,” he says, “then make them bring the curtain down.”
Photo: Courtesy of RCA.

**“Without You,” Mariah Carey**
Talk about fresh wounds. “I can’t forget this evening, or your face as you were leaving,” sings Mariah, who’s coming to us mere hours after the breakup went down. She hasn’t had time to process things, so she’s feeling a little overdramatic. Hence that chorus: a show-stopping declaration of why life is no longer livable. In time, she’ll get over it, but for now, let her wail.
Photo: Courtesy of Sony.

**“Back to Black,” Amy Winehouse**
The references to “puff” and “blow” give this an air of druggy self-destruction that heightens the sadness, especially in light of Amy’s untimely death. Even without those lines, though, it’s a heavy song — a smoldering James Bond theme for an everyday story about a woman plummeting into darkness as her man goes back to his former girlfriend.
Photo: Courtesy of Universal Republic.

**"Take a Bow," Madonna**
Taking a page out of the King's playbook, Madonna uses theater as a metaphor for her latest heartbreak. "You deserve an award for the role that you played," she tells the deceptive lover she's finally wriggled free from. "No more masquerade." Given that Madge used to be married to Sean Penn, the lesson here may be to only date crummy actors. Their lies are easier to spot.
Photo: Courtesy of Sire/London/Rhino.

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Kendall & Kylie Jenner Had The Weirdest Chore Growing Up

April 19, 2017, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: The Best Tried-&-True Flirty Texts To Send To Your Crush

≪ Previous: The Saddest Breakup Songs Of All Time

Clean your room. Brush your hair. Floss twice a day. Don’t throw wet towels on the bed. These are just a few things our parents ordered us to do as normal children. But this story isn't about normal children. It's about the Jenners. And their childhood chores apparently consisted of... weekly manicures, as mandated by Kris Jenner.

No, we’re not joking. While hosting the Winter Bumbleland at Coachella, Elle caught up with Kendall and Kylie to chat about online dating and their twinning hairstyles. At the tail-end of the interview, Kylie was asked how she ~~eats, pees, types~~ deals with her exceptionally long nails.

“I get them done once a week, which isn't normal,” Kylie said. (Actually, compared to most of the things Kylie does, this is probably the most normal thing about her.)

Kendall quickly added, “[Kris] would have a nail artist come to the house once a week and she would make us get our nails done. She was like, 'You are never going to look like you're not put together.' So we were always getting them done.” (That right there, not so normal.)

Kendall explains that nowadays she rarely gets her nails done except for when she's on a photo shoot. (Still no comment about that particular photo shoot.) Kylie, on the other hand, is stuck in the habit — and Kris probably wouldn’t have it any other way.

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The Best Tried-&-True Flirty Texts To Send To Your Crush

April 19, 2017, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: These Movies Will Hurt Your Brain (In A Good Way)

≪ Previous: Kendall & Kylie Jenner Had The Weirdest Chore Growing Up

What do you call a text message that's flirty, but not yet a sext? A flext? I'm still brainstorming.

Whatever you call them, flirty text messages are the reality for most people dating in 2017. And text message flirting can be just as scary as in-person flirting. First off, you need to suss out whether or not your crush is at least mildly interested in you before you blow up their phone.

"You know your crush is receptive to flirting if he or she is responsive," says Barbara Greenberg PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in family and relationship issues. "Pupils dilate when a person is interested in you. Look into the eyes of the one you are flirting with. They speak volumes."

If you're mostly limited to texting or online messaging, Dr. Greenberg confirms what many of us already know: More than likely, your crush is into you if they carry on the conversation and respond without too much of a lag time.

At a loss for the words (and emojis!) to send to someone? I put together some tried-and-true text messages to send when you want to flirt but haven't started sexting yet. (But if you're already there, here's how to kick the conversation up a notch.)

While we're arguably more in control of and confident about our sexuality than ever, there's still so much we don't know about female arousal. So this month, we're exploring everything you want and need to know about how women get turned on now. Check out morehere.

"This song reminds me of you."
**Why it works:** If you send your crush a song that makes you think of them, they'll listen to the track and analyze the lyrics for days. Not only is sending someone a song you enjoy a thoughtful act of flirtation, but music opens the conversation floodgates — it's fun to talk about what you like and don't like. And who knows? Maybe your crush will send you a song back.
Photographed by Rockie Nolan.

"Guess what I'm imagining..."
**Why it works:** The key to a successful flirty text is constructing one that creates a conversation. While a cute and simple "picturing you naked ;)" isn't always in poor taste, it may leave your crush a little confused about how to reply. Even if they're not responding because they're nervous, it doesn't feel good to have a message go unanswered. By sending this text, you're hinting that you're indeed imagining them in a racy way — but you're keeping things mysterious and opening up a conversation. After some coy back-and-forth messaging, you might just land a date. Oh, and including a cute selfie with this text won't hurt, either.
Photographed by Bianca Valle.

"I bet you wish I was sharing this pizza with you."
**Why it works:** As Cher in *Clueless* once said when talking about getting the attention of a crush, "Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good." While you can certainly attach a simple photo of the delicious thing you're eating, we suggest you send this text along with a silly/sexy photo of you actually eating it. Your crush will either want to come to wherever you are immediately, or they'll want to plan a pizza date ASAP.
Photographed by Alexandra Gavillet.

"You made an appearance in my dream last night."
**Why it works:** This suggestive message lets your crush know that you're interested in them while also hinting at sex (hey, you're telling them about what you do in bed). Pro tip: Don't tell them what happened in the dream so you can keep them guessing and intrigued. And of course, feel free to send this one even if your dream wasn't actually about them.
Photographed by Refinery29.

"How was your day? I just got home and am finally relaxing."
**Why it works:** This is a great text to send in the early stages of a crush or courtship, as it shows you care and are thinking of them, but isn't directly sexual (though the "relaxing" bit is certainly suggestive in a good way). It's a great one to send during the week after you know your crush has had a long day, since most people love to talk about themselves. Plus, it's an open-ended question that encourages conversation, which is always preferable to a "yes or no" answer. And in this case, that involves talking about how you both like to unwind (which is, again, suggestive).
Photographed by Rockie Nolan.

"Stop distracting me. I'm busy ;)"
**Why it works:** People want what they can't have. Send this sucker when you and your crush are texting back and forth during the work day or while you're running errands (or, hell, when you're out with friends), and you actually *don't* have time for them. By stating that they're distracting you (in a sexy way, since you employed the wink emoji), you let them know you're not being mean — and you also remind them that you're indeed a busy person with a full life, so if they want you, they're going to have to work for it.
Photographed by Ashley Batz.

"I can't stop thinking about you."
**Why it works:** As the saying goes, flattery will get you everywhere. Send this one after a first date. If you haven't gotten it on yet, the sexual tension will be palpable, since you're letting your future bae know they're on your mind. By the time the second or third date roles around, good luck keeping your clothes on.
Photographed by Lorenna Gomez-Sanchez.

"How about we move this conversation to IRL?"
**Why it works:** If you've just been flirty texting and haven't officially gone out yet (and all is going well), this text is the perfect way to land a date. Sure, you're flirting, but you're also being straightforward and asking for what you want. Have a list of date ideas ready to throw out just in case — that could mean anything from drinks at an intimate bar to a daytime hike to a movie and take out at your place, so no pressure to come up with anything too complicated.
Photographed by Alice Gao.

"I want to experience you."
**Why it works:** Save this work of art for when you're confident your flirting partner is down to bone. A friend who was obviously about to turn into more than that sent this to me in college, and we were shortly having sex multiple times in the span of a few hours. This text gets straight to the point: You want to have sex with them. However, rather than make it vulgar or about their body, you're demonstrating that you're interested in them as a person. This one's definitely not for everybody, but with the right person, this message could lead to an intimate experience via text and IRL.
Photographed by Natalia Mantini.

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These Movies Will Hurt Your Brain (In A Good Way)

April 19, 2017, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: 1 in 3 Teen Girls Has Experienced Sexual Violence

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WARNING: So many spoilers ahead! Plot twists unraveled. Endings revealed. Proceed at your own risk.

March 16 marks the 15th anniversary of the release of Christopher Nolan’s Memento, one of the greatest mindfuck movies of all time. What makes something a quality mindfuck movie? Sometimes, it’s a twist ending that seems to come out of nowhere and truly shocks you, because the reveal means you have to go back and rethink everything that happened during the course of the entire movie.

Take The Sixth Sense, for example. After you found out that Dr. Malcolm Crowe (Bruce Willis) was dead the entire time, you had to recall every scene in which you thought Dr. Crowe interacted with characters besides Cole Sear (Haley Joel Osment). Nope; it turns out he only interacts with Cole after he gets shot in the beginning of the movie. He really has been dead the whole time. M. Night Shyamalan, you trickster, you.

Other times, a movie fucks with your head from beginning to end. It leads you one way, then swerves sharply to the left. The plot isn't remotely linear, although it appeared to be (ahem, Triangle). Or you can’t even figure out what’s going on at all. Think Christopher Nolan’s Inception, or Shane Carruth's Primer.

And then there are psychological thrillers like Black Swan and The Machinist, which trap the viewer inside a character’s breakdown without providing a complete picture of what’s happening. In the words of U2, “Now you're stuck in a moment, and you can’t get out of it.” Also in the words of U2: "Don't say that later will be better," because you'll be obsessing about what happened in that goddamn movie you just watched. (Sidenote: Is Bono a mindfuck movie prophet? Please discuss.)

But when it comes to this magical mindfuckery that makes you wonder what you just watched for hours on end, why would you ever want to want to get out of these moments?

And one more reminder that there are MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD — so major you may as well call them majorettes and stick 'em in front of a marching band twirling batons.

Synecdoche, New York (2008)

Starring: Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Directed by: Charlie Kaufman

Written by: Charlie Kaufman

This is an indie film with the mantra, "art imitates life imitates art, and repeat." In Synecdoche, New York, Philip Seymour Hoffman plays Caden Conrad, a troubled theater director who throws himself into a strangely realistic theater piece. In a warehouse in Manhattan, a group of actors live out their fictionalized, constructed lives. Soon, the warehouse takes on the realism of the bustling city outside. The years pass. The plot grows convoluted. Caden hires doppelgangers for the actors to make the endeavor even more hectic. As Caden loses his mind, who will be there to give the play direction?

A Scanner Darkly(2006)

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr., Winona Ryder

Directed by: Richard Linklater

Written by: Richard Linklater

Based on the mind-bending novel by William S. Gibson, this movie uses an uncanny animation technique to capture the interplay between reality and unstable mental states. A Scanner Darkly is set in a totalitarian state in the future, after America has lost the war on drugs. Over 20% of the population is hooked on a drug called Substance D. In response, the government has developed an underground network of informants to try to infiltrate the drug supply chain.

Detective Bob Arctor is a cog in this machine, assigned to immerse himself in the shady underworld. But once he's in with the addicts, it's impossible to stop becoming hooked himself. At the New Path recovery center, Bob begins to lose his identity and experience schizophrenic behavior.

Spider(2002)

Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Gabriel Byrne

Directed by: David Cronenberg

Written by: Patrick McGrath

After years in a sanitarium, Denis Cleg moves to a halfway house for the mentally disturbed. And for an hour and a half, we enter into the suffering, shifty mindset of a man trying to piece together a formative memory from this childhood. In flashbacks, Denis sees his father, his mother, the prostitute with whom his father is involved, and a younger version of himself. Within Denis's mind, the four characters go through a choreography of remembrance. What are the events that led to his mother's murder? You'll find out the answer to that question in this psychological thriller, but it's not the twist that'll stay with you. Denis's twisted perspective will haunt you.

***The Matrix***(2013)
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Lawrence Fisburne
Directed by: Lana and Lily Wachowski
Written by: Lana and Lily Wachowski
Neo lives through every 1990s kid's nightmare: finding out that he's living, essentially, in *The Sims*. Our trusty protagonist discovers that everything he thinks of as "reality" is actually a video game-esque simulation. Once he realizes that nothing is real, then everything (including dodging bullets) is possible.
But *The Matrix* recognizes the burden of such knowledge. In one of cinema's most iconic scenes, Neo is offered the red pill to proceed on his journey, or the blue pill to forget and go back to the way he was. Neo chooses the red pill; the rest is movie history.
Moviestore Collection/REX/Shutterstock

The Fountain (2006)

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz

Directed by: Darren Aronofsky

Written by: Darren Aronofsky

We can tell you what happens in The Fountain, but we can’t confirm what actually happens.

This intricate magical romantic drama interweaves three storylines separated by centuries and miles. In the first, Hugh Jackman plays Tom Creo, a 21st century doctor losing his wife, Izzi (Rachel Weisz), to cancer. Tom’s consumed with finding a cure using samples from “The Tree of Life,” a species found in South America, and forgoes quality time with Izzi for time in his lab.

While he’s in the lab, Izzi takes to the pen and writes a story about a conquistador, Tomas Verde, searching for the Tree of Life for Queen Isabella. But Izzi doesn’t have time to finish the story — she asks him to finish it. While they stare at the stars, Izzi imagines they’ll meet, once again, the stars. Appropriately, the final narrative is set in deep space, with an astronaut named Tommy.

But we’ve laid things out in an easy way. In truth, nothing is told in chronological order, not even the storylines themselves. The three storylines are confusingly connected and difficult to unweave.

Acknowledging the infinite interpretative possibilities of the movie, Aronofsky said, “[The film is] very much like a Rubik's Cube, where you can solve it in several different ways, but ultimately there's only one solution at the end.” He believes the film is about coming to terms with your own death. It’s a beautiful film, if a grim message.

Timer(2009)

Starring: Emma Caulfield, Michelle Borth

Directed by: Jac Schaffer

Written by: Jac Schaffer

What if you could count down to the exact moment you’d meet your soulmate? People in this alternate reality can opt into just that. When a TiMER device is implanted, a countdown begins to establish just that. Oona O’Leary, Timer ’s protagonist, faces an uncommon quandary: her TiMER is blank, which means her soulmate — whoever he is — has yet to get his TiMER implanted.

Steph, her roommate and sister, has a TiMER that indicates she won’t meet her soulmate until she’s 43. She’s been seeing Dan, a widower who doesn’t have a TiMER so not to cheapen his marriage.

Instead of twiddling her thumbs until Mr. Right comes around, Oona dates off the TiMER. She falls for Mikey, a supermarket clerk with a countdown of four months.

After a while, Oona and Steph decide to get their TiMERs removed irrevocably. At that precise moment, though, Oona's countdown suddenly starts, meaning that her soul mate has finally gotten his TiMER. It’s the night of Oona and Steph’s birthday, and Dan, the widower, is there. As soon as she sees Dan, her own TiMER goes off. Feelings will be stepped on — what’s a girl to do?

While

Mr. Nobody (2004)
Starring: Jared Leto, Diane Kruger, Rhys Ifans
Directed by: Jaco Van Dormael
Written by: Jaco Van Dormael

In this sci-fi-meets-coming of age movie, we see the three different paths that Jared Leto’s character’s life could have taken. A nine-year-old boy stands on a platform facing an impossible choice. He chooses to go with his mother; he chooses to go with his father; he chooses to run away. What happens next? Each path has its glories and its difficulties, and Nemo explores them all.

The film is narrated by Nemo Nobody, the man the little boy becomes, on his 118th birthday. In a sexless, ageless world, Nemo is the last living relic of the world as it was, and he’s able to track the permutations of his life. A journalist attempts to get to the truth of his story: which life did Nemo truly live? The answer will surprise you.

Mr. Nobody is an astounding, visually stunning movie that doesn’t shy away from toying with our existential quandaries, and the infinite paths of "what if."

Shutter Island (2010)
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Kingsley, Mark Ruffalo, Michelle Williams, Max von Sydow, Emily Mortimer
Directed By: Martin Scorsese
Written By: Laeta Kalogridis, Dennis Lehane

Listen, put a few characters in a hospital for the criminally insane, and some mind-fuckery will occur. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a U.S. Marshall (well) in this Martin Scorsese flick. He and his new partner Chuck (played by Mark Ruffalo) investigate an escapee named Rachel Solando, who once killed her three children.

The plot twist in this series is pretty predictable: the detective is actually the patient. Surprise! Leonardo DiCaprio's stubborn Boston boss is imprisoned in the mental hospital because he killed his manic depressive wife. Cheery, no? The "investigation" was just an exercise concocted by the doctors at the asylum to help the patient escape his paranoia. The final scene of the movie implies that DiCaprio's character will soon have a lobotomy, so at the very least, there's a happy ending.

Triangle (2009)
Starring: Melissa George, Joshua McIvor, Jack Taylor, Liam Hemsworth
Directed By: Christopher Smith
Written By: Christopher Smith

Ah, the best mind-fuckery relies on weird time jumps, and Triangle has time jumps a-plenty. The story opens like any other horror film. A few friends go yachting and end up in dangerous territory. They jump ship — literally — and head to a different ship, which ain't so friendly.

The big reveal: the "abandoned" ship forces everyone into a time loop. Events keep repeating themselves, and each time they do, a new incarnation of the person appears. As in, by the end of the film, the main character Jess (Melissa George) has at least 10 other Jesses to reckon with.

If you're still confused after viewing the movie, you're not alone. There's a 15-minute explainer on YouTube if you have the quarter hour to spare.

Sound Of My Voice (2012)
Starring: Brit Marling, Christopher Denham, Nicole Vicious
Directed by: Zal Batmanglij
Written by: Brit Marling, Zal Batmanglij

This 2012 thriller starring Brit Marling will send you reeling. The film also stars Christopher Denham and Nicole Vicious as two journalists Peter and Lorna who attempt to infiltrate an insular cult in order to take it down. Marling plays Maggie, the leader of the cult. Maggie is from the year 2054, and she's here to collect a group of people to save the future world. Her followers wear all white and perform a super-secret special handshake. She's also wanted for several felonies.

The mind fuckery in this movie never allows you to decide if Maggie is lying or not. First, you're with Peter and Lorna, doubting this snake oil-peddler. But when Peter starts to buy into Maggie's narrative, you begin to doubt your own conviction. Maybe Maggie is from the future.

The moment of decision occurs when Maggie instructs Peter to kidnap a little girl — the girl is allegedly Maggie's mother. Will he comply? Yes. And then the big shocker happens: the little girl knows the cult's secret handshake. Ostensibly, the girl taught it to Maggie at some point in the future.

But before you can say, "gee, that was a whammy," Maggie is arrested, courtesy of Lorna. And you, the viewer, still don't know who was lying and who was crazy.

The Prestige (2006)
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine, Christian Bale, Rebecca Hall
Directed by: Christopher Nolan
Written by: Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan

Before there was Westworld, there was The Prestige, the movie that made absolutely no sense until it all made sense. Borne from the bananas brain of the Nolan brothers, the film focuses on two magicians, Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale.) After coming up together as young magicians, the two engage in a violent rivalry.

The big "huh?" of the film lies in Borden's "transported man" trick. Borden falls under the stage, and appears somewhere else in the theater entirely. Wow! Magic! Angier seeks to duplicate this trick, and he ultimately does by enlisting the help of Nikola Tesla. (Fun fact: David Bowie plays Tesla.)

Tesla invents a machine that clones Angier. Here's how it works: the magician clones himself. The original Angier drops beneath the stage into a water tank, where he drowns. The clone appears somewhere else in the theater, wowing the audience. Okay, cool trick, but the cost is high. Every time Angier completes the trick, he kills himself, or a version of himself. The eye-opening visual of the film occurs when Borden chances upon all the water tanks that contain versions of Angier's dead body. Damn.

Oh, but there's another twist. Want to know how Angier completed the trick? You may have seen this coming — I certainly didn't, but my father did. Angier had a twin the whole time, which is the oldest mind-fuck trick in the book. Nolan elevates that particular trick, which can seem a little cheap, by involving two separate women, both in love with Angier. The end of the movie reveals that the two women were actually in love with separate men, not the same man. (Mind. Blown.)

After Hours (1985)
Starring: Griffin Dunne, Rosanna Arquette, Linda Fiorentino, Tommy Chong, Cheech Marin
Directed by: Martin Scorsese
Written by: Joseph Minion

Paul Hackett (Griffin Dunne) just really, really wants to go home. But this is New York City after hours, and only the weirdest and wackiest things happen.

Hackett is a word processor (back in the 1980s, when jobs like that actually existed). He's bored by the corporate drudgery and the uptown apartment that bookend his days. When he meets a Marcy, a woman at a diner who seems to like the same books as him, he's intrigued. Later that night, he calls Marcy up and takes a cab downtown to meet her in Soho. That's when the fun begins.

Everything goes from bad to worse for Hackett. First his cash flies out of the cab window, then he's freaked out by Marcy's weirdly intense roommate, Kiki. When he finally gets Marcy alone, she's busy rubbing some weird burn ointment on her body (but he can't really tell why). Soon enough he gets fed up and leaves. When he feels bad and returns a few hours later, Marcy has killed herself. So now he's broke, tired, and kind of on the lam, eventually taking refuge in a dive bar. Just as the Tim, the barkeep, agrees to lend Paul some money, it turns out the bartender's girlfriend killed herself in apartment in Soho. Yep, that's right: Marcy.

But Tim is a nice guy, and says that Hackett can have some cash if he runs around the corner to Tim's apartment to grab his keys to the bar's register. Twist: there's been a series of robberies in the building, so when Tim's neighbors see Paul, they assume he's the burglar, fresh from a robbery. Paul narrowly escapes their clutches, but the neighbors organize into a witch hunt, putting up posters all around the neighborhood. He then tries to hide out at a Soho nightclub, where Kiki told Marcy she'd head later.

From there, things only get weirder. One woman hits on Paul, another screams at him. When Paul asks a random guy on the street if he can crash at his apartment, the bespectacled man thinks Paul is trying to seduce him.

Finally — finally! — Paul escapes the mob and ends up in the backseat of the van of the real robbers. He's embalmed in a papier-mâché statue (that's how he escaped the mob), and falls out of the truck bed. Where does he end up? At the golden gates of his midtown office building.

Se7en(1996)
Starring: Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey, Gwyneth Paltrow
Directed by: David Fincher
Written by: Andrew Kevin Walker

William Somerset (Morgan Freeman) is a careful, wise detective who is just a few days away from retiring. He's assigned to take a young rookie under his wing and show him the ropes of the gritty metropolis that's their turf. The young investigator, David Mills (Brad Pitt), is short-tempered and impatient, but eager to learn and get his hands dirty.

The pair slowly stumble upon a series of murders all bound by one familiar thread: the seven deadly sins. An obese man was forced to eat himself to death (gluttony); a defense attorney has his insides taken out (greed). Soon enough, Somerset and Mills find a good lead. A man named John Doe (Kevin Spacey) has been checking out library books about serial murders. They settle on him as their prime suspect and try to track him down as the murders continue.

After the fifth murder, a bloodied man meets Mills and Somerset at the police station, identifying himself as John Doe. He's been peeling off the skin on his fingertips all along, so it's impossible to perfectly ID his prints, but the men are convinced it's him. He promises to lead both detectives to the final two victims, but under very specific terms or he'll plead insanity.

Per Doe's instructions, the two detectives accompany their captive to a remote desert location. A delivery truck meets them, handing Somerset a box. Inside is the head of Mills' wife (Gwyneth Paltrow). When Doe brags about killing her and says that she was secretly pregnant, and he killed her out of his own envy. Mills weeps and hold Doe at gunpoint. Somerset protests, but he shoots him six times. Doe is the final death of the seven, because he forced Mills to give into his own wrath.

Hard Candy (2005)
Starring: Ellen Page, Patrick Wilson, Sandra Oh
Directed by: David Slade
Written by: Brian Nelson

Patrick Wilson plays Jeff, a photographer with a thing for teenage girls. He's charming and good looking, but the set up is as creepy as it sounds. Jeff preys on young girls, messaging them online and cultivating fake relationships that he seems to hope will end with real sexual favors.

Hayley is the latest girl talked into meeting him in person. But Hayley, who wears a notable red sweatshirt, has a plan of her own. She knows of Jeff's past transgressions with his victims, and she's decided to put a stop to it.

Jeff, it turns out, doesn't just flirt with underage girls. He also rapes and kills them, according to Hayley's spying. When he lures her back to his apartment, she drugs and tortures him to get information about a dead teenage girl whose death she suspects he had a hand in.

The tension in Hard Candy mounts with an eerie quickness, mostly because of the shifting power dynamic between Jeff and Hayley (the former thinks he's in control, the latter always is).

The Invitation (2016)
Starring: Logan Marshall-Green, Michiel Huisman, Tammy Blanchard, Emayatzy Corinealdi
Directed by: Karyn Kusama
Written by: Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi

It's been two years since a tragic accident killed Will (Marshall Green) and Eden's (Blanchard) young son in their Hollywood Hills home. Their marriage soon dissolved and, in an effort to move on, lost touch with one another. The movie begins with Will driving to his old house with his new girlfriend Kira (Corinealdi) — they've been invited to a dinner party, even though he hasn't heard from his ex-wife or her new husband in months.

Things start out warm enough, even as the stylishly modern house manages to dig up pained memories for Will. Then, out of the corner of his eye Will notices Eden's new husband David (Huisman) casually lock doors and cabinets. There are other couples there (old friends of Will and Eden's when they were married), good food, ritzy wine... it's a nice enough evening, albeit a bit awkward. Suddenly, the tone shifts. This isn't a reunion, it's a recruiting session for a cult.

A new, unfamiliar guest arrives. Everyone nestles into the living room and David asks them to keep an open mind as they watch a documentary of sorts. In the movie, a creepy pastor talks a dying woman through the end of her life. The couples all recoil, until the unfamiliar guest gives a kind of testimonial about loving his dead wife so much, and how this quasi-spirituality helped him overcome her death. The twist? He was the one who went to prison for killing her.

From there, Kusama perfectly manipulates the tension. Doors lock and unlock, and Will confronts Eden about blocking out their son's death between flashbacks of their former life together. In the thrilling climax they sit down to dinner. Eden serves a special drink. Will can't take it anymore — he demands everyone throw it out, and begs his girlfriend to leave with him. Just as he seems crazy, someone takes a sip and dies instantly. Will was right, the drink was poison.

The "invitation" was really an entry into a murder-suicide pact. Will and his girlfriend run frantically through his old house to escape Eden and David's wrath.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)
Starring: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, George Segal, Sandy Dennis
Directed by: Mike Nichols
Written by: Ernest Lehman

Married couple George (Burton) and Martha (Taylor) arrive home from a party. Martha informs George that she’s invited a younger couple that she met there — Nick (Segal) and Honey (Dennis) — over for more drinks. Everyone is already quite drunk, but George and Martha get increasingly more drunk and verbally abusive towards one another.

Honey says that Martha told her about she and George’s son upcoming 16th birthday. This angers George. Honey runs to the bathroom to throw up from drinking too much. The night goes on and on with more upsetting moments.

George and Martha engage in a series of increasingly escalating games of psychological manipulation that makes their guests feel more and more uneasy. Finally, it becomes clear to Nick and Honey that the overarching game is for George and Martha to invent more and more details about their imaginary son, but to never mention his existence to anyone else. It seems that Martha lost this round, because she answers the title question, saying "I am."

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Starring: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester
Directed by: Stanley Kubrick
Written by: Stanley Kubrick, Arthur C. Clark

As one Reddit commenter summarizing the movie very succinctly describes it, “Black box gives superpowers. Black box plus monkey equals human. Human plus black box equals star baby. Star baby is awesome.” To expand on that a little, watch the four videos on the website Kubrick 2001, which delve into how it’s not just the monolith (black box) that speeds along evolution, it’s actually the discovery and improved development of functional tools that advances first apes, and then the human race.

The question is, though, what are the three monoliths that appear in the film — one one Earth, one on the Moon, and one on Jupiter? Since they have right angles, they aren’t naturally occurring in nature. As Roger Ebert wrote in 1968, “Who put [the monolith] there? Intelligent beings since it has right angles and nature doesn't make right angles on its own.” The monoliths are merely a device Kubrick uses to advance the plot, Ebert argues.

It’s not just the monoliths’ possible meaning that throws viewers into a quandary. The ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey usually confuses viewers the most. After Dr. David Bowman (Keir Dulles) defeats HAL 9000, the supercomputer that conspired to take over the humans’ spaceship, he receives a signal from the monolith on Jupiter. Bowman travels toward the monolith only to be captured by a vortex of light.

Rather than finding himself in a sort of Gravity situation, which viewers could much more easily understand (we all know that a human left adrift in space would just perish among the glowing stars and big, black holes of nothingness), Bowman winds up in a bedroom. He watches his older self eat his final meal and die in the bed. Bowman becomes one with this older version of himself. After he dies, another monolith appears by his bed. He reaches for it and becomes the “starchild,” a glowing fetus that is transported by float beside planet Earth.

“Now where did the bedroom come from? My intuition is that it came out of Kubrick's imagination; that he understood the familiar bedroom would be the most alien, inexplicable, disturbing scene he could possibly end the film with. He was right. The bedroom is more otherworldly and eerie than any number of exploding stars, etc.,” Ebert writes by way of explanation.

It’s quite the trip.

Soylent Green (1973)
Starring: Charlton Heston, Edward G. Robinson, Leigh Taylor-Young
Directed by: Richard Fleischer
Written by: Stanley R. Greenberg

Soylent Green is PEOPLE.

Altered States (1980)
Starring: William Hurt, Blair Brown
Directed by: Ken Russell
Written by: Sidney Aaron, Paddy Chayefsky

Edward Jessup (Hurt) is a Harvard scientist who starts experimenting with sensory deprivation tanks. He wants to take his work further, though, so he starts working with psychedelic mushrooms — only the type he uses makes everyone who takes them have the exact same trip.

One night while tripping balls in his tank, Jessup reverts back to the state of a Simian man. He climbs out of the tank and wreaks havoc on the lab and the campus security guards. A pack of wild dogs chases him to a local zoo, where he eats a sheep for his dinner. Jessup then returns to his human form.

His experiments transform him into increasingly troubling altered states. In one instance, he’s basically primordial soup; in another, he’s a vortex of light similar to the ones in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The only thing that can bring Jessup back from these states is his wife, Emily (Brown). She starts going through these altered states with him; sort of like the ying to his yang, or the fire to his brimstone.

In Jessup’s final experiment, he becomes a sort of pre-life protoplasm. His wife is the flesh into which the protoplasm fuses, and together, they form human life. It’s through this melding that they emerge whole, and Jessup learns to value his own humanity as well as his wife (they had been on the brink of divorcing).

Videodrome (1983)
Starring: James Woods, Deborah Harry, Peter Dvorsky
Directed by: David Cronenberg
Written by: David Cronenberg

Max Renn (Woods) runs a Toronto TV station that airs sleazy shows (softcore porn; hardcore violence), but he’s always looking for the next sensational phenomenon. His coworker Harlan (Dvorsky) is responsible for pirating signals from other broadcast stations, and he picks up a show called Videodrome that he thinks is coming from Malaysia. On Videodrome, anonymous victims are brutally tortured before they’re murdered in a chamber. Then, Randy Jackson says, “A little pitchy, dawg.” (That last part isn’t true.)

Max thinks Videodrome is the future of TV and orders Halan to start pirating it for their station. He also gets Nicki Brand (Harry), a radio host, to sleep with him after she admits she’s turned on by the events depicted on Videodrome. Around the same time, a pop-culture analyst named Professor Brian O'Blivion (Jack Creley), who only appears on TV but is never seen in real life, predicts that television will one day supplant human life.

Harlan tells Max that the signal had actually been scrambled, and Videodrome ’s broadcast is really coming from Pittsburgh. Nicki goes there to audition to be on the show, which Max actually believes is fake. When Nicki doesn’t come back to Toronto, Max gets in touch with a feminist pornographer (Lynne Gorman), who tells him that Videodrome isn’t fake. It’s not just a TV show, either, it’s a political movement that Professor O’Blivion is behind.

Max finds O’Blivion’s office, The Cathode Ray Mission, and discovers that it provides homeless people with shelter, food, and water as long as they watch television, which was part of O’Blivion’s vision for the future. He’s actually been dead for over a year, though, and what people have been watching are hours of video he pre-taped in the event of his demise. O’Blivion’s socio-political movement, the Videodrome, is a war for the minds of North Americans.

The means of mind control is, of course, television; namely, viewing the Videodrome TV program. The show carries a signal that gives viewers malignant brain tumors. Max, who viewed Videodrome, also starts having hallucinations during which he thinks there’s a VCR in his stomach. O’Blivion didn’t want it to be used this way, though, but when he tried to stop his partners from doing so, they killed him.

Harlan actually showed Max Videodrome in order to get him to put it on the air as part of a government conspiracy to eradicate North America of homeless people. They insert a tape into the VCR in Max’s stomach (which has become real) that makes Max murder his coworkers. When he’s about to kill Professor O’Blivion’s daughter (Sonja Smits), who’s trying to stop the government’s plan to eliminate the poor, she’s able to reprogram him to instead kill Harlan, who’d been part of the government conspiracy to put Videodrome on the air.

Max shoots Harlan, then runs to an abandoned harbor. Nicki shows up on a television, saying that in order to completely defeat Videodrome, he has to "leave the old flesh behind." On the same television, we see Max shooting himself in the head. The set explodes, but when it does, it leaves behind bloody, human intestines. We then see Max, who watched the version of himself on TV shoot himself, do the same thing.

Jacob’s Ladder(1990)
Starring: Tim Robbins, Elizabeth Peña, Danny Aiello
Directed by: Adrian Lyne
Written by: Bruce Joel Robbin

The movie starts during the Vietnam War, where an American soldier named Jacob (Robbins), loses most of his unit during an attack. He runs into the jungle and gets stabbed by a bayonet.

When he wakes up four years later, he’s on the subway in New York City reading Albert Camus' The Stranger. Jacob is living with his girlfriend Jezzie (Peña) in Brooklyn, but he remembers having a wife and three sons, the youngest of which died before the war.

Jacob keeps having disturbing experiences and seeing demons everywhere, until he’s contacted by a comrade from his old unit who went catatonic during the attack in Vietnam. The comrade recovered and is now living in NYC, but he's killed when his car explodes. At his funeral, the surviving members of Jacob’s platoon say that they’ve all been having horrible experiences.

They hire a lawyer to investigate what happened to them, but after he reads their military files that say the platoon was never actually in combat, and that the soldiers had been discharged due to psychological reasons, he backs out of the case.

All of Jacob’s comrades stop pursuing the case, but he continues his search for the truth. This gets him thrown in a car and taken to a hospital, where doctors tell him that he’s already dead.

When Jacob leaves the hospital, Michael Newman (Matt Craven), the man who treated him back in Vietnam, confesses that he was a chemist who had designed “the Ladder,” a drug that triggered aggression. A large dose had been given to Jacob’s unit, and they had actually attacked one another. Jacob recalls being bayoneted in the jungle, only this time he can see an American soldier wielding the bayonet.

Now that he knows what truly happened, Jacob feels at peace. He returns to his family’s apartment, where he sees his dead son Gabe at the bottom of the stairs. Gabe takes his hand and leads him up the stairs towards a bright light. In the final scene, Jacob is in a triage tent, where military doctors declare him dead.

The Usual Suspects(1995)
Starring: Kevin Spacey, Gabriel Byrne, Chazz Palminteri
Directed by: Bryan Singer
Written by: Christopher McQuarrie

While being questioned about his role in a gun battle and drug bust gone wrong, Roger “Verbal” Kint manages to convince police that he should be let off scot-free. After he leaves the station and drops his limp, his interrogators look around the room and realize that the story Verbal concocted was based entirely on objects and names he glimpsed around the room.

Kint is actually Keyser Söze, the mastermind behind the whole scheme that led to the firefight on the ship. As he says, “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.”

Cube (1997)
Starring: Maurice Dean Wint, Nicole de Boer, Nicky Guadagni, David Hewlett, Andrew Miller
Directed by: Vincenzo Natali
Written by: André Bijelic, Graeme Manson, Vincenzo Natali

Imagine five prisoners being stuck inside a constantly shifting, intricately booby-trapped, complexly mathematical Rubik’s Cube. They have no idea how they got there. They think they need to somehow escape in order to survive.

That’s what Cube is about, except in the end, the sole survivor ascends into a bright light. So, is the cube purgatory? A classic prisoner’s dilemma? Cube will give you a lot to think about.

The Sixth Sense(1999)
Starring: Bruce Willis, Hayley Joel Osment
Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan
Written by: M. Night Shyamalan

A child psychologist named Malcolm Crowe (Willis) and his wife (Olivia Williams) return home from an event where he was being honored. A former patient of Crowe’s is waiting in their bathroom. He shoots Crowe and then kills himself.

The movie cuts to the following autumn, when Dr. Crowe starts working with 9-year-old Cole Sear (Osment), who claims he can see dead people and also has trouble in social situations. Malcolm works with Cole to develop his gift for communicating with the dead, but the doctor grows increasingly distant from his wife. They never talk anymore.

Eventually, Malcolm realizes what happened. He was actually killed the night he was shot. He hasn’t been able to leave the land of the living because he wants to let his wife know that she never came second to his work, and that he also can’t forgive himself for failing to help the patient who killed both Malcolm and himself. Cole really does see dead people.

Fight Club (1999)
Starring: Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, Helena Bonham Carter
Directed by: David Fincher
Written by: Jim Uhls

The first rule of fight club is, of course, that you don’t talk about fight club. The second rule is that you disregard that one for the purposes of this roundup, with apologies to David Fincher and Chuck Palahniuk, the author of the novel upon which the film is based.

In this nihilistic tale, an unnamed insomniac office drone (Norton) meets a rebellious soap-maker named Tyler Durden (Pitt) on a plane. The two move into a dilapidated house on the edge of town and start an underground fight club that turns into a nation-wide organization called Project Mayhem, which protests capitalism and corporate organizations.

Eventually, the narrator realizes that Tyler Durden is merely a dissociation of his own personality. He discovers that as Tyler, he’s been plotting to destroy credit card companies by blowing up their office buildings. The narrator finally shoots himself in the cheek, killing his projection of Tyler. The film ends with the narrator and his sort-of girlfriend Marla (Bonham Carter) watching the city fall to the Pixies' “Where Is My Mind.”

Memento (2000)
Starring: Guy Pearce, Carrie-Ann Moss, Joe Pantoliano
Directed by: Christopher Nolan
Written by: Christopher Nola, Jonathan Nolan

Leonard Shelby (Pearce) suffers from anterograde amnesia, which means he can’t create or store new memories. This is making it difficult to track down the man he’s certain raped and murdered his wife (Jorja Fox). To make things even more confusing, the film is told through black-and-white and color sequences, and it’s not clear to the audience which come first chronologically. It’s also unclear which characters Shelby can trust — or if he’s even trustworthy himself.

Session 9 (2001)
Starring: David Caruso, Peter Mullan, Stephen Gevedon, Josh Lucas
Directed by: Brad Anderson
Written by: Brad Anderson, Stephen Gevedon

This movie was filmed in a real mental hospital in Danvers, Massachusetts, which just adds to the authentic, chilling vibe you’ll have while watching. An asbestos removal crew (Caruso, Mullan, Gevedon, Lucas, Brendan Sexton III) is tasked with cleaning an abandoned mental hospital. While on the job, they discover a box that contains tapes of nine interview sessions with a patient named Mary Hobbes.

Hobbes has dissociative identity disorder, and she has three personalities besides her own. Of these, she only displays two of them — “the Princess,” who is childlike and innocent, and Billy, who is protective and childlike. Hobbes’ third personality, Simon, is so hidden that the Princess doesn’t know anything about her, and Billy is afraid of him.

Everything starts to unravel when one of the men goes missing, and the ninth session tape is cut short, so they don’t know what happened with Mary, the Princess, Billy, and Simon. Eventually, it’s revealed that there might not be a Mary, and that Simon actually lives inside one of the men tasked with cleaning the asylum, and some members of the cleaning crew aren’t even real — they’re projections of his imagination. He murders some of the real men, though, because of course this movie is terrifying.

Mulholland Drive (2001)
Starring: Naomi Watts, Laura Harring
Directed by: David Lynch
Written by: David Lynch

This one’s kind of tough to explain in a simple plot synopsis, especially since there’s been so much debate about whether or not the first half of the film is actually a dream sequence. This October 2001 Salon article provides a thorough analysis of not only the film’s plot, but also what the fuck it all means. Or at least what the writers think it means, because they’re still unable to explain things like the mysterious box.

Lynch originally wrote Mulholland Drive as a television pilot for ABC. Therefore, there might actually be some storylines in the film that leave questions left unanswered, since Lynch would have been able to get to them in the longer time that a TV series allots for storytelling.

In this January 2002 article from The Guardian, however, five top film critics couldn’t come to a consensus as to whether or not the film was divided into two halves, with one being a dream and one grounded in the reality of what actually happened when Diane (Watts) put a hit on her girlfriend Camilla (Harring). Diane’s actions drive her to commit suicide.

Still, the film might be intended as a larger commentary on how Hollywood places women in boxes, only allowing ingénues to look one way, while women become disposable and easily replaceable when they reach a certain age. That might just be the most important mindfuck Mulholland Drive gives to viewers.

Donnie Darko (2001)
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Jena Malone, Drew Barrymore
Directed by: Richard Kelly
Written by: Richard Kelly

A high school student named Donnie Darko (Jake Gyllenhaal) is woken up by a monstrous rabbit who calls himself Frank. The rabbit leads Donnie outside and says the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. When Donnie returns home, he discovers that a jet engine crashed into his bedroom while he was out with Frank.

When Donnie describes Frank to his therapist (Katharine Ross), she tells his parents that he’s suffering from daylight hallucinations, which can be symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia. Donnie confesses to flooding his school and burning down a motivational speaker’s (Patrick Swayze) house.

Finally, it’s the day Frank prophesied the world would end. A vortex forms above the Darko house while Donnie is driving in the nearby hills. He watches an airplane fall from the sky. The events from the last 28 days start to replay in reverse chronological order. When they reach day 1, Donnie is back in his bed, laughing maniacally as a jet engine crashes into his room. Donnie dies instantly.

When he dies, all of the people with whom Donnie Darko interacted during the last 28 days start to wake up with disturbed looks on their faces. Characters who met and interacted during the course of the movie revert to being strangers, although they feel as though they know each other. They just can’t remember where or when they might have met.

Vanilla Sky(2001)
Starring: Tom Cruise, Penélope Cruz, Cameron Diaz
Directed by: Cameron Crowe
Written by: Cameron Crowe

Roger Ebert described Vanilla Sky perfectly in December 2001, “ Vanilla Sky, like the 2001 pictures Memento and Mulholland Drive before it, requires the audience to do some heavy lifting. It has one of those plots that doubles back on itself like an Escher staircase. You get along splendidly one step at a time, but when you get to the top floor you find yourself on the bottom landing. If it's any consolation, its hero is as baffled as we are; it's not that he has memory loss, like the hero of Memento, but that in a certain sense he may have no real memory at all.”

Vanilla Sky plays not only with linear structure, but with mixing dreams and reality, forcing viewers to question what’s real, what’s not, and whether or not reality is entirely subjective and surreal. It’s best to watch it rather than read a plot summary, really, but know that Tom Cruise jumps off a building at one point, and not in his usual badass Mission: Impossible type of way.

Oldboy (2003)
Starring: Choi Min-sik, Kang Hye-jung
Directed by: Park Chan-wook
Written by: Hwang Jo-yoon, Im Joon-hyeong, Park Chan-wook

Business man Oh Dae-su (Min-sik) is arrested for drunken and disorderly behavior in 1988. He misses his daughter’s 4th birthday because he is in jail. While his friend who picks him up from the police station is talking to Dae-su’s wife, he is kidnapped.

Dae-su is imprisoned with no human contact for 15 years in a hotel-like prison. He’s sometimes gassed with a mind-altering drug. Dae-su shadowboxes to pass the time. He has no contact with his captors, nor does he ever learn the reason for his kidnapping.

Fifteen years later, Dae-su is released onto a rooftop. His captor gives him a suit and some money, but he also calls and taunts him. Dae-su then befriends a young chef named Mi-do (Hye-jung), who takes him to her apartment after he collapses at her sushi restaurant.

Dae-su wants to track down his daughter, but all he can find out is that she was adopted by a Swedish couple. He turns his attention to his captor’s identity. He finally learns that his name is Lee Woo-jin (Yoo Ji-tae). Woo-jin gives Dae-su an ultimatum: If Dae-su can figure out why Woo-jin kept him captive in the next five days, Woo-jin will kill himself. If Dae-su doesn’t succeed in finding out, Woo-jin will have Mi-do — with whom Dae-su has begun an emotional and sexual relationship — killed.

Dae-su remembers that he and Woo-jin went to the same high school, and that he saw an incestutous encounter between Woo-jin and his sister Soo-ah. Dae-su spread the rumor about their relationship around the school, not knowing they were related. Soo-ah committed suicide after the rumor made the rounds.

Dae-su admits to Woo-jin that he drove his sister to commit suicide. Woo-jin tells Dae-su that his revenge has been meticulous and carefully plotted. First, he captured Dae-su and kept him in prison for 15 years, periodically administering hypnotic drugs. Then, he planted the false evidence that Dae-su’s daughter had been kidnapped by a Swedish couple. In reality, Dae-su’s daughter is none other than Mi-do. Woo-jin drove Dae-su to commit incest with his own daughter, and he plans to tell Mi-do what has happened as well.

Dae-su begs Woo-jin to spare Mi-do from learning this information. Dae-su cuts out his tongue to show that he will never convey this information, or any other secrets, himself. Woo-jin says he will heed this request, leaves, and shoots himself.

Dae-su goes to a hypnotist to have the memories of committing incest with his daughter erased, but afterward, Mi-do finds him and tells him she loves him. He smiles when he hears this, but then his smile is replaced by a pained expression, as if he’s remembering what he went to the hypnotist to forget.

The Machinist (2004)
Starring: Christian Bale, Jennifer Jason Leigh
Directed by: Brad Anderson
Written by: Scott Kosar

A machinist named Trevor Reznik (Bale) is suffering from severe insomnia and has become extremely emaciated. Trevor is also troubled by mysterious Post-It notes that appear on his fridge, which have a game of Hangman on them. It starts to affect his work to the point where one of his coworkers (Michael Ironside) loses his arm in a machine accident. His coworkers blame Trevor for the accident, but he blames a mysterious new machinist named Ivan (John Sharian) that only Trevor seems to know about.

Trevor does have some brief moments of relief. He spends time with Stevie (Leigh), a prostitute, who enjoys his company. He meets a waitress named Maria (Aitana Sánchez-Gijón) at the airport diner he frequents and takes Maria and her son Nicholas (Matthew Romero) to a carnival. At the carnival, though, Nicholas has a seizure in a funhouse.

Trevor thinks all of these mysterious events are part of an elaborate plot to drive him insane. His life begins to fall apart even more: He explodes at a coworker and gets fired. He doesn’t pay his utility bill, and the electricity in his apartment is turned off. He thinks blood is seeping out of his freezer.

Trevor thinks that Ivan is the source of his problems, so he goes to the DMV to track him down using his license plate number. They refuse to give it to him, so he goes to the police, saying that he was a victim of a hit and run, and that Ivan was the perpetrator. When Trevor gives the police Ivan’s license plate number, they tell him that the car to which that plate matches is registered to Trevor, not the mysterious Ivan.

Eventually, Trevor pieces together the details of what happened. There is no Maria, nor is there a Nicholas. He was the one who hit a boy who looked identical to Nicholas a year ago — which his mother (who looked exactly like Maria) witnessed — and then drove away. At the time, Trevor looked much healthier. The guilt over the hit and run is what led him to his current emaciated, insomniac state. The mysterious Post-It notes have actually been coming from him (he’s been dissociating), and the hangman game spells out “KILLER.”

The movie ends with Trevor going to the police to confess his crime. They lead him to a cell, and he falls asleep for the first time since the accident.

Primer (2004)
Starring: Shane Carruth, David Sullivan, Casey Gooden
Directed by: Shane Carruth
Written by: Shane Carruth

Primer is considered one of the most confusing movies of all time. People have even mapped out the various timelines in an attempt to explain the plot. Writer/director/star Shane Carruth has a degree in mathematics and is a former engineer, so the film delves into complex temporal anomalies.

Two engineers named Aaron (Carruth) and Abe (Sullivan) create a person-sized box in which a human can travel through time. They try to carefully map out rules for their time traveling to avoid meeting their past or future selves and messing up the past, present, or future.

Abe and Aaron’s different personalities lead to confrontations over how they should use the box and the way in which their collaboration in the experiment should play out. They try to use their time traveling ability to make profitable stock trades, but their future selves keep appearing in their present timelines, causing increasingly escalating problems in their lives. They also cause trouble in other people’s lives; for example, Abe’s girlfriend Rachel (Samantha Thomson) almost gets shot.

During an epilogue, it’s revealed that multiple versions of Aaron still exist, and at least one future version is colluding with the original one. Abe, on the other hand, wants to keep his present self in the dark about what Future Abe knows. In the final scene, Aaron is directing the construction of a warehouse-sized box.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind(2004)
Starring: Kate Winslet, Jim Carrey
Directed by: Michel Gondry
Written by: Charlie Kaufman

Joel (Carrey) and Clementine (Winslet) meet on a train from Montauk to Rockville Centre on Long Island, New York. What they don’t know is that they’ve met before. They were even in a relationship before, but Clementine hired a firm called Lacuna, Inc., to erase her memories of their relationship after a fight, and when Joel heard about this, he decided to do the same.

Joel doesn’t want Clementine to be erased from his memory, though, and he struggles to preserve the moments they had together by hiding them deep in his subconscious. The last thing he can remember her saying is to meet him in Montauk.

After they meet again on the train, they discover their Lacuna records. Even though they know they dated, broke up, and had their relationship erased from their minds before, they decide to give it another chance.

Atonement (2007)
Starring: Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, Saoirse Ronan
Directed by: Joe Wright
Written by: Christopher Hampton

This adaptation of Iwan McEwan’s novel of the same name earns a spot on the mindfuck movies list simply because of how it completely rips the rug out from under you at the end. There you are, thinking Briony (played by Ronan at 13, Romola Garai at 18, and Redgrave as an older woman) is writing this story to atone for her huge lie, and there's going to be a romantic, happy ending. That lie being how she falsely accused Robbie Turner (McAvoy) of raping Briony’s visiting cousin Lola (Juno Temple), which completely ruined not only his life, but that of her sister Cecilia (Knightley).

The incident tears Briony and Cecilia’s family apart, because Cecilia stands by Robbie; knowing he’s been falsely accused. Years later, Briony describes visiting Robbie and Cecilia, who are now married, to apologize. Cecilia says she can never forgive her, while Robbie demands Briony tell both her family and the authorities what really happened. Even if Briony were to tell the authorities; however, nothing could be done, because Lola actually married her rapist (Benedict Cumberbatch).

Decades pass, and Briony is now an author. Her final novel (she is dying of vascular dementia) is called Atonement. She gives an interview about the book in which she reveals that it’s only semi-autobiographical. While most of the beginning is true to life, the part where she visits Cecilia and Robbie is fabricated. Briony was never able to visit them to ask for forgiveness because they never met again after Robbie left to fight in World War II. He died at Dunkirk, and Cecilia died shortly after during The Blitz. Oh cruel, cruel fate.

Triangle (2009)
Starring: Melissa George, Michael Dorman
Directed by: Christopher Smith
Written by: Christopher Smith

Jess (Melissa George) goes on a boat trip with a group of friends. The boat capsizes in a storm, and the group survives by climbing on the upturned vessel. They spot an ocean liner and board it, only to find it deserted. Jess experiences a flash of déjà vu once on board the ship, and she also gets the feeling that there’s someone else there.

One by one, the members of the group begin to die. Some of them are shot by a mysterious masked shooter, who then chases Jess, but she’s able to push the shooter overboard.

After everyone in her group dies, and Jess is left alone, she hears yelling. She sees herself and the others alive again. They’re standing on the capsized boat in the same position they were in before they boarded the ocean liner. Jess realizes that she’s stuck in a time loop, and she’s actually the figure on the ship who killed her friends.

Inception (2010)
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Directed by: Christopher Nolan
Written by: Christopher Nolan

Dominick Cobb (DiCaprio) and his team enter the dreams of executives to steal corporate secrets. In the big heist depicted in the movie, the team has a new type of challenge: plant an idea into a CEO’s (Cillian Murphy) subconscious, which the businessman (Ken Watanabe) tasking them with the job calls inception.

Cobb is also struggling with guilt over the death of his wife Mal (Marion Cotillard), who committed suicide after the two spent 50 years in a shared dreamscape and couldn’t distinguish between dreams and reality when they woke up. Cobb’s guilt causes problems with his team’s current mission, because he keeps projecting Mal into dreamscapes.

As the team travels into deeper and deeper levels of the dream labyrinth architected by Ariadne (Page), there’s more room for error, which obviously occurs. After Inception came out, people spent hours trying to map out the various levels of the dream landscapes into which the team traveled. Finally, Christopher Nolan released his hand-drawn version of the map to help viewers understand.

Audiences were also confused by the film’s ending. The movie’s last shot is of Cobb’s totem — an object the dream-invaders use to determine if they’re still in a dream or back in reality — a spinning top. If the top keeps spinning, he’s probably stuck in someone else’s dream. If it stops, he’s back in reality. Inception ends before we can see what happens to the top. Does it keep spinning, or does it fall?

Nolan finally explained the ambiguous ending during the commencement speech he delivered to Princeton’s class of 2015. He said it didn’t matter if Cobb was awake or dreaming, because he’d been reunited with his children, which is all he really wanted. “He was in his own subjective reality. He didn’t really care any more, and that makes a statement: perhaps, all levels of reality are valid,” Nolan said.

Black Swan(2010)
Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Barbara Hershey, Vincent Cassel
Directed by: Darren Aronofsky
Written by: Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz, John J. McLaughlin

Nina Sayers (Portman) has spent her entire life striving to be a perfect ballerina. It’s an obsession fueled by her stage mother (Hershey). When Sayers is cast as the White Swan in her company’s upcoming production of Swan Lake opposite a more easygoing newcomer (Mila Kunis) as the Black Swan, she begins to have a complete mental, emotional, and physical breakdown.

Holy Motors(2012)
Starring: Denis Lavant, Édith Scob, Élise L'Homea
Directed by: Leos Carax
Written by: Leos Carax

Monsieur Oscar (Lavant) appears to be a regular businessman until he enters a limo in the morning after having breakfast with his wife and children. Once in the car, he receives a dossier from his driver, Madame Céline (Scob), and takes off his banker disguise. He puts on a different costume; now, Oscar is an elderly beggar who walks the streets of Paris, asking for money.

Oscar is actually an actor, but his roles exist in the real world. Throughout the day, he returns to the limousine for more assignments from Céline. These take him everywhere from a motion-capture studio to a high-fashion photoshoot with a top model (played by Eva Mendes).

Even when Oscar gets physically injured while in character, he’s unscathed when he returns to the limo. At times, he interacts with characters that look identical to ones he played earlier in the day. Towards the end of the day, he meets a woman named Léa (L'Homea), who calls him “uncle.” Oscar pretends to die, and Léa cries.

At this next appointment, Céline pulls the car up next to an identical limo. Inside is a woman named Eva (Kylie Minogue), with whom it’s implied Oscar actually has a child. However, Eva appears to be an actress like Oscar, and she tells him that she has an appointment. She’ll be stepping into the role of a flight attendant who spends her final night in an empty building with a man. Oscar leaves the building so that Eva can meet up with the man, but he then sees the two jump to their deaths. Oscar cries as he runs past their bodies and gets in the limo.

At his last appointment, Céline hands Oscar a dossier saying that he’ll be going to “your house” to meet up with “your wife” and “your daughter.” When he goes inside; however, his wife and child are actually chimpanzees.

Now that the day is over, Céline takes the limo to the Holy Motors garage, which is filled with many limousines of the same make and model. She leaves for the night after covering her face with a mask. After Céline is gone, the cars start talking to each other, worrying about becoming obsolete.

Upstream Color (2013)
Starring: Shane Carruth, Amy Seimetz, Thiago Martins
Directed by: Shane Carruth
Written by: Shane Carruth

Yup, it’s another Shane Carruth mindfuck masterpiece. In this one, a man called the Thief (Martins) kidnaps Kris (Seimetz) at a nightclub and drugs her. He keeps her in a hypnotic state of distraction, using techniques like getting her to transcribe Henry David Thoreau’s Walden on a paper chain. The Thief starves Kris so that he can infect her with a type of live larva that he harvests from blue orchids. He also manipulates her into liquidating her home equity and giving him the money.

When the Thief drops Kris off at her home, she wakes up ravenous with roundworms crawling under her skin, which she tries to remove with a kitchen knife. She fails at this.

A man called the Sampler (Andrew Sensenig) lures Kris to his farm so he can transfer the roundworms from her body a young pig’s. Again, Kris wakes up with no memory of what has happened to her. When she gets home, she sees the blood on her sheets from when she tried to remove the worms. Scared, she calls the police, but she hangs up because she’s not sure what she would tell them happened. Kris tries to return to work, but she gets fired after her unexcused absence. She tries to buy food at the grocery store, but the Thief has stolen all of her money.

One year later, Kris encounters a man named Jeff (Carruth) on a train, and the two have an almost telepathic connection. When they spend the night together, they realize they have identical scars — they were both infected by the larva and then had the roundworms removed, but they also have no memory of this happening. Like Kris, Jeff also had his personal funds stolen by the Thief. He then lost his job after trying to embezzle money from his brokerage firm to cover his tracks.

Kris and Jeff also have a telepathic connection with the pigs that received their worm transfusions, although they don’t know this. That’s another part of the worm-pig-orchid cycle, as Shane Carruth calls it. The Sampler is able to check in on people who are telepathically connected with the pig’s lives, and he writes songs about them. He sells these songs through a company called the Quinoa Valley Rec. Co.

When one of the pigs gets pregnant, Kris thinks she's pregnant. The doctor tells her she isn’t; she actually had endometrial cancer, which was removed, and is now infertile. When the pig gives birth, the Sampler throws her piglets into a sack, which he tosses into the river.

This sends Kris and Jeff into a deep depression. They turn against everyone else in their lives and hunker down in Kris’ house, expecting the worst. While this is happening, we see the sack with the piglet’s corpses, from which a blue substance — the same blue as the orchids the Thief extracted the larva from in the beginning — is traveling upstream into the surrounding waters. Orchids are growing out of the water, and farmers are collecting the blue flowers to sell.

Kris, Jeff, and the Sampler slowly start to remember the things that have happened to them. Kris starts mumbling Walden. In a dream, the three of them sit down together and discuss being aware of each other before the Sampler has a heart attack. Back in reality, Kris and Jeff are on the pig farm. She shoots the Sampler, and he dies.

Kris and Jeff find records of everyone who has been drugged the way they were and get them to come to the farm by sending them copies of Walden. They remodel the farm and start providing a better life for the pigs. No more pigs are drowned, so the Thief has no more blue orchids from which to get larva and start the worm-pig-orchid cycle again.

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April 19, 2017, 1:00 pm

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≪ Previous: These Movies Will Hurt Your Brain (In A Good Way)

Sexual assault has long been a plague on college campuses — but new research shows that it's affecting younger teenaged girls in large numbers, as well.

According to a survey from the National Women's Law Center, 1 in 3 teen girls has reported experiencing sexual violence. Not only that, sexual violence is affecting their success in school.

The NWLC's report was conducted with Lake Research Partners and surveyed 1,003 girls aged 14-18, and oversampled Black, Latina, Asian/Pacific Islander, Native American, and LGBTQ girls.

The survey found that 1 in 3 girls said they were survivors of sexual or other violence — with sexual violence being defined as being kissed or touched without consent, being physically forced to have sex when they did not want to, or being forced to have sex in exchange for money and gifts. Violence in the survey was defined as being hurt or injured on purpose by someone they were going out with or by a family member.

The report, part of NWLC’s Let Her Learn: Stopping School Pushout series, examines the ways in which different groups of girls experience barriers to their education.

According to the survey, 1 in 5 girls (21%) have survived sexual assault, defined as being kissed or touched without consent, and those who have experienced homelessness reported sexual assault at twice the overall rate (41%).

The numbers are also worse for LGBTQ girls and girls of color — 2 in 5 LGBTQ girls (38%) reported being kissed or touched without their consent, while 24% of Latina girls, 23% of Native American girls, and 22% of Black girls reported the same.

Furthermore, 68% of survivors reported having difficulty concentrating, which can negatively affect their school performance, and 30% of survivors reported being absent because they felt they would be unsafe at school or on their way to school.

In order to stop school push-out for girls who have experienced sexual violence, the NWLC recommends that schools make sure to have adequate support for students as well as working with these students to figure out individualized graduation plans.

As the report points out, sexual violence and assault can come in different forms — but across the board, it has far-reaching repercussions on a person's mental health that often go unaddressed.

If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call theRAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

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I Think I Know Who A.D. Is On Pretty Little Liars

April 19, 2017, 1:05 pm

≫ Next: Here Are The Best Responses To Bill O'Reilly's Downfall

≪ Previous: 1 in 3 Teen Girls Has Experienced Sexual Violence

When Pretty Little Liars said that the season 7b premiere "Playtime" would be the show's "endgame," it really meant it. Biggest, baddest villain A.D. is toying with the Liars in a very literal sense: by making them participate in a macabre board game that tasks them with stirring up trouble in Rosewood. The high-tech game was introduced in the season 7b premiere, with Spencer (Troian Bellisario) as the first player. But while Spencer used the game to learn the true identity of her mother, perhaps all this Mary Drake (Andrea Parker) business was merely a distraction from the glaring clue to A.D.'s true identity.

Umm, you guys? Lucas is totally A.D.

Brendan Robinson's character did not appear in the season 7b premiere, but that didn't stop the show from dropping clues that he could be the mastermind behind this whole thing. The biggest clue? The board game — specifically, its oh-so-2017 nature. This is no ordinary board game: it's connected to an iPhone, which somehow knows exactly what moves the Liars are making within the game. (Frankly, if the game wasn't so evil, I would totally want it.) Why does the high-tech nature of the game scream Lucas? Well, he's an app developer(aka an A.D.!!!!!) who might actually know how to set up something so complicated.

It's also not the only reason why Lucas looks so suspicious after Tuesday's episode. Examine the game board and you'll see that the Liars don't look like how they do in 2017: their game pieces are dolled up to look like how they did when Alison (Sasha Pieterse) ruled Rosewood High School, before she ranaway from home. Aria (Lucy Hale) has a pink stripe in her hair. Emily (Shay Mitchell) is wearing a swim uniform. Spencer is donning a super preppy plaid skirt. Hanna (Ashley Benson) is holding shopping bags, while Alison is wearing that iconic yellow top.

Why is that important? Well, the Liars look how they did when Alison was at the height of her bullying days — when the girls were totally complicit in her cruelty. Lucas was the main target of her meanness... and this could very well be his revenge.

Maybe Pretty Little Liars is distracting us with all of this "who's a Hasting?" business. Maybe the real villain is hiding in plain sight... and pretending he's a friend.

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Here Are The Best Responses To Bill O'Reilly's Downfall

April 19, 2017, 1:10 pm

≫ Next: The Best Shows To Watch On Hulu Right Now

≪ Previous: I Think I Know Who A.D. Is On Pretty Little Liars

There's a party going on over on Twitter.com, and it's all thanks to 21st Century Fox officially announcing that Bill O'Reilly will not be coming back to Fox News. The company made the following statement, which was shared on Twitter by Politico reporter Hadas Gold: "After thorough and careful review of the allegations, the company and Bill O'Reilly have agreed that Bill O'Reilly will not be returning to Fox News Channel."

Meanwhile, the former host of The O'Reilly Factor is on vacation in Italy, where he met Pope Francis in the Vatican VIP line. Also, his book on family values, which advises men not to treat women as sex objects, is flying off the shelves. Perfect timing.

A recent New York Times story detailed the allegations against O'Reilly. An NYT investigation found that five women accused him of sexual harassment or inappropriate conduct, which resulted in settlements totaling about $13 million. One woman, who is Black, claimed that O'Reilly called her "hot chocolate" and grunted at her "like a wild boar," Lisa Bloom, the attorney for the women, told The Hollywood Reporter. O'Reilly's attorney has denied the allegations. Amid scores of advertisers dropping out of the show, Fox decided to pull the plug.

Women rejoiced.

First, we have a glorious victory statement from Lisa Bloom. "This is what happens when women speak our truth: we can slay dragons," she wrote.

Here is my victory statement. pic.twitter.com/TQLC6Oz9gk
— Lisa Bloom (@LisaBloom) April 19, 2017

No long-awaited goodbye is complete without GIFs like these:

@Hadas_Gold pic.twitter.com/h43DWoOofE
— Brian Tashman (@briantashman) April 19, 2017

Bill O'Reilly is out at Fox News 👋https://t.co/v5bqEDaQlb pic.twitter.com/XmlSCCqV4s
— HuffPostWomen (@HuffPostWomen) April 19, 2017

My thoughts on Bill O'Reilly being gone pic.twitter.com/p97kQQV44u
— Nurul Khuka (@NurulKhuka) April 19, 2017

They deserve each other:

According to President, Bill O'Reilly did nothing wrong.

According to Bill O'Reilly, President has been working hard since Day 1 in office.
— Abhishek Pratap (@AbhishekPrtp) April 19, 2017

There will be many more think pieces about how it took too long to oust O'Reilly:

The scandal, as @aterkel writes, is that O'Reilly lasted this long https://t.co/v8XmErulOF
— Sam Stein (@samsteinhp) April 19, 2017

Couldn't have done it without the resisterhood:

Women taking care of Bill O'Reilly's career like pic.twitter.com/etrGxyidi5
— The Resisterhood (@resisterhood) April 19, 2017

Fox knew about Bill O'Reilly's behavior towards women for 15 years. He was held accountable by good journalism + women-led activism ✌️
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) April 19, 2017

Good things come in threes:

O'Reilly is getting fired. Chaffetz won't seek re-election. Rachel Dolezal got dragged by a black writer. It feels like Christmas in April.
— Ziwe (@ziwe) April 19, 2017

serena pregnant!
bill o'reilly jobless!
i had bacon for breakfast! pic.twitter.com/Y1b2ZvXL5I
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) April 19, 2017

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The Best Shows To Watch On Hulu Right Now

April 19, 2017, 1:10 pm

≫ Next: Milk Just Dropped The Anti-Highlighter Stick You Never Knew You Needed

≪ Previous: Here Are The Best Responses To Bill O'Reilly's Downfall

With everyone raving about Netflix and chill, Hulu doesn't get nearly as much love as it deserves. I like to think of Hulu as the streaming service for regular folks with hectic schedules. Netflix will have a collection of weird and unusual titles for the eclectic spirit. But if you just want to watch prime-time favorites, Hulu is right for you. The platform can even randomize a playlist of shows just in case you don’t feel like binging one specific series.

Hulu also has a bigger selection of current shows to choose from. The general rule of thumb is that if Netflix doesn't have it, Hulu will. The platform is even starting to rival Netflix in the original-programming category. Sure, it may not be as sexy as its counterpart with the red logo, but Hulu definitely has some things going for it.

Here's the best of what's on offer.

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***The Handmaid's Tale***
Granted, this adaptation of Margaret Atwood's feminist dystopia doesn't drop until April 27. But you'll want to mark your calendar in advance. Offred's journey adjusting to the new world order is devastating, gripping, and terrifyingly easy to imagine.
Courtesy of Hulu

***Harlots***
Following a group of prostitutes in Georgian London, this eight-part drama looks at history from a "whore's-eye view."
Photo Credit: Liam Daniel

***This Is Us***
Time to melt your cold, cynical heart and jump on the *This Is Us* bandwagon that's sweeping the country. This is the most emotionally captivating, sincere family on TV.
Courtesy of NBC

**The Mindy Project**
If you can stomach an annoying voice-over and vague cultural insensitivity, binge-watching *The Mindy Project* on Hulu can make for an enjoyable night. Fox cancelled the show after only three seasons, but it’s been going strong on Hulu for two seasons since.
Photo: Universal Televison/Getty.

**Shut Eye**
This series is about a guy, Charlie Haverford, who couldn’t make a career for himself being a magician. So he settles for the next best thing: Running storefront psychic shops backed by a mob boss, and being a psychic himself. It’s a dramedy with a dark side.
Photo: Greg Doherty/Getty.

**Difficult People**
A comedy about two comedians who kind of hate everything and suck at their jobs. Not surprisingly, it’s pretty funny.
Photo: Universal Cable Productions/Getty.

**A Day In The Life**
Hulu is helping you take celebrity stalking to the next level with this documentary-style show. Each episode follows a different celebrity or tastemaker around for…well, a day. Some of the stars featured include Misty Copeland and will.i.am.
Photo: Earl Gibson III/Getty.

**Casual**
Having to move into your single brother's place with your teenage daughter after a divorce probably sucks. Laugh through the painful awkwardness while watching Hulu Original *Casual*.
Photo: Courtesy of Hulu.

**East Los High**
A group of Latino teenagers navigate high school and hookups in this Hulu Original.
Photo: Courtesy of Hulu.

**The Awesomes**
Seth Meyers helped bring the grown-up cartoon *The* *Awesomes* to life. Voiced by *SNL* stars, the series follows a band of sucky superheroes who try to save the world.
Photo: Courtesy of Hulu.

**The Path**
If you're into cults and new age spiritualism you'll love The Path. It's about followers of a fictional movement called Meyerism. But as with any attempts to organize humans, there are tests in loyalty and power. You have time to catch before the second season premieres on the 25th.

**The Hotwives of Orlando**
This Hulu sitcom makes fun of one of America's favorite reality franchises. The *Housewives* parody also has a second season set in Las Vegas.
Photo: Courtesy of Hulu.

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Milk Just Dropped The Anti-Highlighter Stick You Never Knew You Needed

April 19, 2017, 1:15 pm

≫ Next: 6 Of The Most Inspirational Black Women On Instagram

≪ Previous: The Best Shows To Watch On Hulu Right Now

These days, if your highlighter can’t be seen from outer space, then you’re not doing enough. But sometimes ultralight beams are best when they're in a Kanye West song — not on your cheekbones. And while there is no shame in loving glow palettes and glitter, for the average person, it's okay to prefer a subtle highlight, too. That's where Milk Makeup ’s brand-new Holographic Stick comes in.

Beauty lovers everywhere are already well-acquainted with Milk’s original (not to mention Instagram famous) highlighting stick. And up until now, there was only one shade: Supernova. It’s the essential look for the party-goer — holographic, with an iridescent purple sheen. It flatters every skin tone and gives your otherwise mundane a hit of light. But let’s be real here, lilac highlighter isn't necessarily something you want to wear every day, and with summer on the horizon, some of us are on the hunt for a more wearable glow. Which is exactly what the brand's new stick delivers.

While Supernova looked like the highlighter of choice for an alien who calls the Moon home, the newest shade, Mars, is almost the polar opposite. Warm, rich, with peach undertones and iridescent flecks — it's surprisingly easy to wear. Call it the anti-highlighter for people who don't want frosted cheekbones. Even better, the creamy pigment blends into skin like butter and leaves behind the kind of shimmer anyone would love. Check it out for yourself below.

✨🍑✨🍑 play date with @milkmakeup and @michaelarollings #swatchwithmi

A post shared by mi-anne chan (@mianne.chan) on Apr 7, 2017 at 3:46pm PDT

Sadly, it won't be available on the brand's website until May 2. But mark your calendars now and turn on your notifications because this baby is a must-have for summer.

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6 Of The Most Inspirational Black Women On Instagram

April 19, 2017, 1:15 pm

≫ Next: The OA Theories Only Lead To More OA Theories

≪ Previous: Milk Just Dropped The Anti-Highlighter Stick You Never Knew You Needed

Instagram is a dynamic space that users can engage for a whole range of needs. It’s a social media platform that connects users to each other. It’s a branding and marketing tool. It’s an ecommerce vehicle. It’s an online photo album offering a uniquely curated look into the lives of some of our favorite people. Whatever your interests might be, you can most likely find stimulating visual aids in the form of an internet account.

Another perk of Instagram is that it's one of the more diverse social media platforms. People of color are flocking to their Instagram feed in masses to do more than ogle at their favorite celebrities and keep up with friends. They are often looking for news, dialogue, and a sense of community. Female entrepreneurs of color, whether they be beauty bloggers, urban models, or small business owners, have all been able to count on their community to show up with double taps and comments. That these women, or people like Angelica Nwandu — founder of @theshaderoom — are able to redefine their lives in the palm of their hands is inspiring enough on its own.

But there is a limitless supply of positivity on Instagram if you know where to look. So if you’re trying to orient your IG experience in that direction, these Black women are serving inspiration by the upload.

Maxine Waters

Congresswoman Waters really needs no introduction. She is one of only 12 Black women currently serving in Congress. She is the shady auntie of our generation and a meme/GIF favorite. She’s just as dope on Instagram. Her progressive ideas about the current state of our country should be just the kick in the pants you need to stay engaged with politics.

Jessamyn Stanley

In America, yoga is yet another area that could use a diversity boost. But that did not stop Jessamyn from making room for herself in the practice. The yogi, who just wrote a new book, serves poses and body positivity to her followers on the regular.

Laverne Cox

The Orange Is the New Black star slays on Instagram. Because she has been making moves in Hollywood, we get a good amount of celebrity selfies and glam. But it’s her frequent reminders about the need for intersectionality and trans-inclusivity that make her worth following. #TransIsBeaituful

Chloe & Halle

You should be inspired by the mere knowledge that a couple of teenage girls can call themselves protégés of Beyoncé. The sibling duo regularly performs unique covers of pop culture hits and are celebrating the release of their mixtape, all under the tutelage of Queen Bey. But they’re also keenly aware of the need for social mobility and women’s empowerment.

Kimberly Drew

Sure, she is the social media manager for the Metropolitan Museum of Art. And yes, she started one of the most influential and widely followed Tumblr accounts on Black art. But I promise Kimberly Drew is not an art snob. Well, she might be. But she seems really nice on Instagram. If you’re in need of some creative juice, Drew has you covered.

Francheska

One of the voices behind The Friend Zone podcast, and the force behind the popular YouTube channel Hey Fran Hey, Francheska is a walking, breathing “how-to guide” for self-care, wellness, and natural living. You're likely to leave her account with tips on how to de-stress and a recipe for natural body wash.

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The OA Theories Only Lead To More OA Theories

April 19, 2017, 1:15 pm

≫ Next: TV Love Stories We Want In Real Life

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While some viewers have succumb to their anger and frustration over the season finale of The OA on Netflix, others have put their thinking caps on to try to make sense of the whole thing. The series has left us all in a state of disorientation that forces us to question what, if anything, was real about the OA’s (or Prairie’s… I don’t even know what to call her anymore) experiences in both the afterlife and captivity.

In the last episode of the season, Alonso breaks into the Johnson home, where the OA lives with her adoptive parents, and finds a set of books that could have very well been the background research for an elaborate performance of a lie. But in the grand finale, the choreography that the OA taught him, Betty, Jesse, Buck, and Steve seems to stop a school shooter from claiming the lives of any students. Sure, the OA gets shot in the chest — but what’s a little bullet to the Original Angel? At any rate, the major question seems to be: Is Prairie the interdimensional angel she claims to be or nah?

I think the books can be dismissed as evidence that the OA is lying. We can tell from her runaway note that Prairie reads and writes English at about a third-grade level, at best. Her first language was Russian and then she was blind, and then she was in captivity. So when would she have picked up the literacy skills to get through one of Homer’s texts if it wasn’t in braille? I barely got through The Odyssey in high school. And I seriously doubt that she was spending her time post-kidnapping reading up on oligarchs.

Luckily there are theories on theories on theories out there to unpack all of this and I've taken the liberty of rounding up a few of the best ones. Get ready to question everything and think really hard.

**OA doesn't actually stand for "original angel."**
Some theorize that "OA" actually derives from DOA, an acronym for "dead on arrival," indicating that she's been dead all along. Or, OA could refer to "alpha" and "omega," the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet. This is an allusion to a Biblical theory that the end of creation comes before the beginning.
JoJo Whiden / Netflix

I think the FBI victim’s advocate, Elias Rahim is involved in those books being in the OA's room. He was mysteriously in her home at the same time that Alonso was snooping around. It's possible that he planted the books in an attempt to get the OA committed. It wouldn’t be the first time a man decided that a woman was crazy and took matters into his own hands to dictate what happens to her.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.

Here is a theory I'd like to know more about. I think there's a **deeper connection between Homer and the OA**. What if together, they represent some interdimensional Adam and Eve with the ultimate power of the universe in their ~~hand~~ spirit fingers?
The OA is in love with Homer, but that doesn't explain why Alonso sees himself as Homer in the mirror after breaking into the OA’s home. And in the last episode, when Steve runs after the ambulance that is transporting the OA (or perhaps just Prairie’s body — I know I’m not the only one who heard the mythical “whoosh” that fuels Dr. Hap’s work after the EMTs close the ambulance doors), it’s almost exactly how she describes running after Dr. Hap’s car with Homer still inside of it.
What if Homer is also trying to find OA and using her local misfits to get the job done?
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.

**Is the OA living in the same universe as the one *Stranger Things* is based on?**
The similarities between the OA and Eleven are striking. They can both travel through time and their nose bleeds a lot. There are also entities and people trying to experiment on them at every turn.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.

Even though I really want to believe the OA, it's worth delving into some of the theories that lend themselves to the idea that **Prairie is the world’s greatest send-off**.
The main one is that Prairie has some kind of mental illness that is creating a psychosis. In the beginning of the season, a young Prairie is diagnosed with schizophrenia after talking about her near-death experience (NDE) on the school bus. Some viewers think that we've actually been following Prairie's evolved delusion into adulthood.
A grown up and mentally ill Prairie ran away or was abducted, and sustained the marks on her back as a result of torture. The story she shared about her captivity is actually just a fantasy she created in order to deal with her trauma.
This would also explain the weird fangirl at Olive Garden who assumed Prairie was raped and completely invaded her personal space.
But none of this explains how she got her sight back.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.

Another far-fetched idea is that **young Nina survived the horrific car accident and is in a coma** imaging this elaborate future for herself.
The big problem with this is how a young Russian girl is envisioning an American life for herself in the future?
It’s all so much. Hopefully, the second season will come with some answers, even if we do have to wait a year to watch.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.

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↧

TV Love Stories We Want In Real Life

April 20, 2017, 10:10 am

≫ Next: The Steamiest, Sexiest Movies Of All Time

≪ Previous: The OA Theories Only Lead To More OA Theories

Boy Meets World: Courtesy of Disney. Gilmore Girls: The WB/Photofest. The Mindy Project: Courtesy of Hulu.

We love to immerse ourselves in the stories of star-crossed lovers. We get a kick out of the will-they-or-won't-they teases of a good on-screen friendship tinged with sexual attraction. When it comes down to it, however, those tales aren't exactly the way we'd like our own romantic lives to progress. What a relief, then, that there are also a handful of couples on our favorite TV shows that demonstrate what healthy, uncursed relationships look like.

Some of these pairs fell in love in high school — or even earlier (Hi, Cory and Topanga!) — and as young viewers, we too thought there would be a chance of meeting our one and only before college. Others saw their longtime friendships blossom into something more (and okay, maybe Lorelai and Luke took too long to realize as much). There are the coworkers who turned the spark of rivalry into mutual respect and folks from different walks of life who find they have a lifetime of lessons to learn from each other. Lately, we've also been drawn to watching the longtime marrieds (Coach and Tami Taylor 4-ever!) who have taught us that when you have the right partner, all sorts of daunting challenges are surmountable.

As much as we like to be wrecked by fictional heartbreak once in a while, we're going to take a minute to honor the matches we wouldn't mind emulating in real life.

Jim and Pam, *The Office*
Watching Jim (John Krasinski) joke through his secret love for engaged administrative assistant Pam (Jenna Fischer) was our way of sublimating our own office crush. We were worried that when they finally got together, the magic would be gone. We should have had more faith — there's plenty of humor to be had in requited office love, too! If ever there's an *Office: The Next Generation*, though, we'd better find that Jim and Pam's kids are off in creatively fulfilling jobs, far from any paper distribution companies.
Photo: Courtesy of NBC.

Poussey & Soso, Orange is the New Black

Love blossomed between the slightly-loony Soso and the endearing Poussey. Their genuine chemistry made the season's tragic end even more difficult to endure.

Crosby and Jasmine, *Parenthood*
A quick fling between Dax Shepard's Crosby and Joy Bryant's Jasmine resulted in them joining the show's titular club, though Crosby didn't even know about his son, Jabbar, for years. In lesser hands, their backward, on-and-off love story could have been a cliche, but here it felt real. As far as we're concerned, those vows they took in season 3 were meant to last long beyond this year's series finale.
Photo Courtesy of: NBC.

Juliet and Sawyer, *Lost*
There were hardly two more unlikely people to get together on the island than the shady con-man from Oceanic Flight 815 and the upstanding fertility researcher for the Others. Especially since it seemed like Sawyer (Josh Holloway) was finally going to win Kate (Evangeline Lilly) away from Jack (Matthew Fox), who was perfect for Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell). A few shifts in time later, however, and Sawyer and Juliet had built a pretty cozy, not-at-all fake life together in the Dharma Initiative. Whatever that ending really meant, it was at least clear that those two got to head into the afterlife together after all.
Photo: Courtesy of ABC.

Dwayne and Whitley, *A Different World*
Originally, these were the cartoonish side characters in the story of Denise Huxtable's college life in the *Cosby Show* spinoff, but nerdy math whiz Dwayne (Kadeem Harrison) and perfect Southern belle Whitley (Jasmine Guy) grew on everyone, and eventually each other. As college romances do, they broke up for a while, and Whitley almost married a politician (as she once seemed destined to do). When last we saw them, however, Whitley and Dwayne were married, expecting a kid, and off to Japan for Dwayne's video game career. The nerds shall inherit the earth and the girl.
Photo: Courtesy of NBC.

Sun and Jin, Lost
Being stranded on an island can either make or break a couple. In the case of Sun and Jin, boy does it make them. Throughout the confusing, confounding, and at times exasperating show that was Lost, Sun and Jin’s love remains a comforting constant. That’s what makes their mutual sacrifice all the more tragic, and all the more beautiful. Til death do them part.

**Asher & Michaela,** ***How To Get Away With Murder***
Somehow these two bickered their way into one another's hearts and became the couple that made so much sense.
Photo: ABC

Carrie & Sebastian, The Carrie Diaries
Sure, they weren't endgame — Carrie eventually married Mr. Big, duh — but as far as first loves go, these two '80s cuties take the cake.

Tyler & Jules, *Sweet/Vicious*
Sure, Jules (Eliza Bennett) technically killed Tyler's (Nick Fink) stepbrother. And yeah, she's been lying to him forever about her pursuit for vigilante justice against campus rapists. But the way he looks at her?! It makes you really want these crazy college kids to work it out.
Photo: MTV

**Riley & Lucas,** ***Girl Meets World***
Cory and Topanga made the list, so it's only fitting that their daughter Riley and her first crush Lucas made it as well. These two have been through a lot (including Riley's best friend having a thing for Lucas as well) but no matter what happens, they remain close friends who happen to also make a cute couple.
Photo: Disney Channel

**Stefan & Caroline,** ***The Vampire Diaries***
Friends first, friends forever... how all great romances between vampires should be.
Photo: The CW

Rob & Sharon, *Catastrophe*
Sometimes your love story doesn't start the way you thought it would. Rob and Sharon didn't expect to fall in love after accidentally getting pregnant, but jumping in head first led to one wonderful and hilarious love.
Photo: Channel 4

Hanna & Caleb, *Pretty Little Liars*
The former high school sweethearts (who finally reunited in season 7!) is proof that true love can take a break, but never truly ends.
Photo: Freeform

Rebecca & Jack, *This Is Us*
The ultimate mom and dad, and husband and wife. Jack and Rebecca know how to handle life's ups and downs: by having one another's back.
Photo: NBC

Emily & Jack, Revenge
These two have been through the ringer — revenge schemes, arrests, murdered partners, you name it — but despite the chaos of the Hamptons, these childhood friends found their way back to one another.

Greg & Rebecca, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
It was painful watching Rebecca pine for Josh — the man she secretly moved to West Covina for — when Greg, her far better suited match, was asking her to "settle" for him via song. By the time Rebecca finally figured out that she should be with Greg, he was leaving West Covina for business school. Despite their problems, the almost-couple's witty banter and intense chemistry is something we all should aspire to.

Liv & Major, iZombie
Liv and Major were the golden couple — until Liv got turned into a zombie. Liv broke up with Major to save him from her Night of the Living Dead ways, but ultimately they just couldn't stay away from one another. Love conquers all, even a craving of brains.

Phoebe & Mike, Friends
They may not get the attention of Ross and Rachel, but Phoebe and Mike's undeniable chemistry and complete understanding of one another is enviable. He really is her lobster!

Hook & Emma, Once Upon A Time
Forget the Prince — it's the pirate who is the real romantic hero of this fairytale series. Emma and Hook both know what it's like to have difficulty trusting people, but when they're around one another, they simply melt.

Logan & Veronica, *Veronica Mars*
These Neptune residents were complicated, but always perfect for one another. The snarky duo (who finally reunited in the *Veronica Mars* movie, yay!) were always there to save the other when things got bad — as they often did in this modern noir universe.
Photo: Warner Bros.

Chuck & Blair, *Gossip Girl*
The members of Manhattan's elite may be manipulative, class-obsessed schemers, but there's nothing these two wouldn't do for one another. These two are perfectly suited for one another not despite their flaws, but because of them.

**Connor & Oliver,**
***How To Get Away With Murder***
The drama is filled with jaw-dropping crimes and lots of legal jargon, but the one thing we can't get enough of are the scenes of Connor and Oliver snuggling in their apartment.
Photo: ABC

Jimmy & Gretchen, *You're The Worst*
Because nobody's perfect, but this is what happens when you're imperfect together.
Photo: Courtesy of FX.

Lucas & Peyton, *One Tree Hill*
Because no matter what happened (a school shooting, high-risk pregnancy, multiple car accidents...) these two always found their way back to one another.
Photo: The CW

David & Maddie, Moonlighting
Because everyone has an office crush.

Paul & Jamie, Mad About You
Because they perfectly represented the New York-iest of New Yorkers: tough, witty, and filled with love.

Klaus & Cami, The Originals
Because this kiss is everything.

Booth & Brennan, Bones
Because "Bones" is the best nickname for a significant other.

Dan & Roseanne, Roseanne
Because we all want the kind of relationship where you can hit your S.O. over the head with a frying pan and still laugh about it.

Fran & Maxwell, The Nanny
Because we always want to be the funny one in the relationship.

Elliot & Angela, Mr. Robot
We know, we know. They're just friends. But we've known since the pilot that these two should probably wind up together.

Michael & Nikita, Nikita
Because of this kiss, mainly.

Jerry & Elaine, Seinfeld
Because everyone knows they were in love the whole time.

Kevin Arnold & Winnie Cooper, The Wonder Years
Because these two always give us that warm and cozy summer camp feeling.

Ricky & Lucy, I Love Lucy
Because we all want our own Ricky to do the chick-chicky-boom with.

Joey & Pacey, Dawson's Creek
Because we all want that feeling of, "Oh, you've been here all along!"

Claire & Jamie, Outlander
Because we all deserve a wedding night like this.

Jon Snow & Ygritte, Game of Thrones
If you can fall in love while snuggled under a rock north of the wall, you've pretty much beat the odds. These two were (sadly) meant to be. Plus, they gave us, "You know nothing, Jon Snow," which is still our favorite meme.

Jack & Teri Bauer, 24
Because even the toughest of tough guys has a soft spot.

Ezra & Aria, Pretty Little Liars
Yes, haters, there is the whole creepy issue of how underage Aria is when she and Ezra start dating. And, well, throughout most of their relationship. But this is Pretty Little Liars, and if you're a fan, you've most likely put pesky facts like that behind you. And once you do, you are left with the magic soul mate duo that is Ezria.

Meredith & Derek, Grey's Anatomy
Yes, tragedy ensues. But any couple that can magically transform an ER room into a site worthy of romantic dancing is a winner in our eyes.

Damon & Elena, The Vampire Diaries
These days are long gone, but never have we ever rooted more for a couple to date IRL.

Castle & Beckett, Castle
Because this rain-soaked kiss was exactly the moment die hard fans had been waiting for. And because everyone needs to be kissed like this at least once in their life.

Vincent & Catherine, Beauty & The Beast
Because we all want our first kiss to be this thrilling and momentous.

Jessa & Adam, *Girls*
We know, we know. They are FAR from perfect. But you have to admit: The first moment during season 5 when a Jessa-Adam union seemed possible (especially throughout that scene where he kept trying to sneakily kiss her, and she pretended she didn't want him to) was magical. We're happy to be along for the tumultuous ride.
Photo: Craig Blankenhorn/HBO.

Philip & Elizabeth, *The Americans*
No, we don't actually want to be Russian spies who have government-sanctioned marital affairs. But we do want to feel so close to someone that we never have to keep a secret from them. We want someone to know all the darkest, dirtiest things we've done and still desire us.
Photo: Patrick Harbron/FX.

Mulder & Scully, The X-Files
Although a lot about old X-Files reruns now looks dated, the chemistry between agents Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) is as fresh as it was in 1995. Despite years of flirty rapport, palpable sexual chemistry, shared passion for the supernatural and the tendency to end up in dire situations together, the couple didn't even get romantic until the last couple of seasons — making them one of the first and longest-running cases of will-they-or-won't-they TV pairings. This year's reboot kind of went and ruined that, but we still believe.

Zack & Kelly, Saved by the Bell
Envying the on-again-off-again high school romance between a jock and a cheerleader may be cliché, but it's in honor of our own high school dreams. After all, watching Zack (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) pursue Kelly (Tiffani Thiessen) was kind of like witnessing our own school's most popular couple from afar — only this way, we were privy to Zack's innermost thoughts, thanks to his constant asides. As adults, we can appreciate the way they took breaks to be just friends in high school and college, so that by the time they had that Vegas wedding, it was anything but impulsive.

Cory & Topanga, Boy Meets World & Girl Meets World
Moms of toddlers often joke that their kids will one day grow up and marry each other. Do we ever see that happen? Perhaps just in the fictional universe of Boy Meets World, where quirky, earnest tweens Topanga (Danielle Fishel) and Cory (Ben Savage) rekindled their early childhood connection and took it all the way. And now, we have the very rare opportunity to see how awesome they are at married life as a new generation follows their daughter's adventures in Girl Meets World. This is, like, incontrovertible proof that true love exists, right?

Monica & Chandler, Friends
Dating someone from within your core group of friends can turn into an awkward disaster, but who doesn't sometimes dream of it happening? Monica (Courteney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) have known each other since he was Ross' college roommate, so when they finally hooked up, the only big surprise they had to discover about each other was their wicked sexual chemistry. They also have nicely aligned senses of humor, while their personalities and interests are just different enough to make sure things never get boring. Plus, they never had to go through all the soap opera-style ups and downs Rachel and Ross did. Basically, this is a recipe for a long-lasting marriage.

Miranda & Steve, Sex and the City
On paper, high-powered attorney Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and low-key bartender Steve (David Eigenberg) could never be more than a fling. And yet, this is the rare instance (Actually, does this ever happen in real life?) where an unplanned pregnancy brings two people together and turns their constant clashing of personality and priorities into the very factors that make them work. They'll never stop learning from each other. If this were our love story, we'd probably like to do without that cheating episode from the movie, but that turned out to be one more challenge that made them stronger.

Seth & Summer, The O.C.
We can't possibly say more than the millions of nostalgic articles, music videos, and Tumblrs devoted to the perfect, popular girl-next-door, Summer (Rachel Bilson), and geeky Seth (Adam Brody), who won her heart in high school after crushing on her his entire life. Questions of popularity, existential crises, and environmental activism got between them, but it was impossible to lose faith in the power of their perfect, never-ending banter. What we'd give to have a sparring partner like that for life!

Luke & Lorelai, Gilmore Girls
Ideally, we wouldn't want to wait five whole seasons for a close friendship to slowly burn into confirmed romance the way Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Luke's (Scott Patterson) did. Nor would we really want to have to throw in a couple of unnecessary marriages to other people. If the eventual outcome, however, is confirmation that the person who gets you the most is someone you can also share a bed with for the rest of your life, the delay may be worth it. Unless there are some horrifying Christopher-like complications coming up in the Netflix revival that we don't know about yet, that is. (Shudders!)

Sawyer & Juliet, Lost
Despite the monsters, time shifts, cultish scientists, and possibly the devil himself, Sawyer (Josh Holloway) and Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell) managed to find domestic bliss for a few short years on the island. It's perhaps because they'd both been left behind by the more volatile elements of the Lost love quandrangle (Jack and Kate) that their romance is both believable and enviable. You may argue that Juliet's untimely demise canceled that out — unless you take into account that the series' weird finale meant that in the afterlife, they're also happily together, enjoying all the Apollo candy bars they want.

Felicity & Ben, *Felicity*
At first, we though Felicity (Keri Russell) was nuts for ditching her first-choice school and running off to college in New York to be with Ben (Scott Speedman) just because he wrote something nice in her yearbook. And for years, he didn't deserve her as much as sweet Noel (Scott Foley). In the end, however, his good nature won us over — along with a bit of random witchcraft — and we have to believe they'll both follow each other to the ends of the earth now.
Photo: Courtesy of The WB.

Jim & Pam, The Office
Oh, how we love a good office crush. And oh, how we know (and HR does too!) that we should never, ever act upon one. But the daily promise of flirting and prank planning is what made working at Dunder Mifflin bearable for Jim (John Krasinski) and Pam (Jenna Fischer). The fact that Pam was engaged to someone else for years possibly made everything just a little more deliciously illicit. Of course, there was no guarantee that going from unrequited crush to real coupledom would turn out great — and there were several times when their own personal ambitions threatened to tear them apart — but that adorable spark between the two always remained. Sometimes, work is the best place to meet people, but be very careful before trying this at home.

Lafayette & James, *True Blood*
After a possessed Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) unwittingly stabbed his previous boyfriend to death in his own home, the Merlotte's cook deserved something good in his life. It was odd that it had to come in the form of baby vamp Jessica's boyfriend, but that's just how things go in Bon Temps. Soulful '60s throwback James (Nathan Parsons) turned out to be one of the first men to appreciate Lafayette's insane style as well as his heart.
Photo Courtesy of: HBO.

Marshall & Lily, How I Met Your Mother
Clearly, college sweethearts and best friends Marshall (Jason Segal) and Lily (Alyson Hannigan) are meant to be a foil for Ted's titular search for the Mother. They're the romantic ideal. That's not to say we haven't also been able to learn from their mistakes — mismatched career goals, in-law strife, homeownership, far-off job prospects. This is how you grow into adulthood with the love of your life without losing the kooky qualities that made you love each other in the first place.

Eric & Tami, Friday Night Lights
To some of us, the idea of being the stay-at-home wife of a football coach in small-town Texas is, um, less than ideal. But as we watched Tami Taylor (Connie Britton) embark on her career as a guidance counselor and then school principal while still supporting Eric (Kyle Chandler) in his demanding job, we kind of wanted to be in on what they have. As they watched their teenage girl grow up and (mostly) enjoyed the surprise of a second daughter, they showed us a warts-and-all relationship that could withstand a whole lot of stress. Now, if only someone would show us what their life is like after Eric followed Tami to her dream job in Philadelphia.

Kurt & Blaine, Glee
There's nothing like your first love. At the same time, not everyone would be satisfied being with no one but their high school sweetheart for the rest of their lives. That's why we'd like the compromise presented by Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss), who broke up after Kurt left for New York. Then, after a bit more growing up and time apart, they rekindled their romance and got married in the spur of the moment. Now, their life together doesn't have to include that "what if?" — though we're sure it does involve a lot of sweet duets at the piano.

Mitch & Cam, Modern Family
Since the show's early days, Mitch (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cam (Eric Stonestreet) have been lauded as one of the depictions of gay domestic life that gradually helped swing the country in favor of gay marriage (If Ann Romney enjoys watching them, they must be okay!). On a much less important level, this pairing of a neurotic lawyer and extroverted farm-boy-turned-clown/jock/stay-at-home dad is an opposites-attract scenario that we can really buy into. We particularly admire the way Cam has such a good relationship with Mitch's nutty family. May our own in-law relations fair so well.

Leslie & Ben, Parks & Recreation
Leslie (Amy Poehler) and Ben (Adam Scott) are such genuinely good people and dedicated civil servants, it's kind of amazing that seeing them together doesn't make us sick. Above all, the way they admire and support each other in their work is one of our ultimate #relationshipgoals. Then again, maybe we don't want to have a Ben and Leslie love story, per se; maybe we want Ben and Leslie to be our parents and/or co-leaders of the free world together.

Kristina & Adam, Parenthood
When you realize that Parenthood and Friday Night Lights share executive producer Jason Katims, it makes so much sense that here, too, is another shining example of a team who can conquer anything together — though they'll also have the scars to prove it. From Adam (Peter Krause) and Kristina's (Monica Potter) son's Asperger's diagnosis, to Adam's regrettable kiss with an assistant, to Kristina's breast cancer treatment, we saw them go through a whole lot and thought, Maybe we'd survive that, too, if we had the right partner along the way.

Robert & Cora, Downton Abbey
A couple of years ago, Downton creator Julian Fellowes said he was writing a prequel series about how the young viscount (Hugh Bonneville) and American heiress Cora Levinson (Elizabeth McGovern) met and married. We haven't heard much about it since then, but we'd eat up every tidbit of info on how these two went from a marriage of financial convenience (her cash saved Downton) to true love and respect. Sure, Robert can be a bit of a stubborn ass (when he's not spewing blood) and he was tempted to stray with a young maid that one time. He's got the good grace to know when he's wrong, however, and lets his wise wife guide him through the changing times.

Linda & Bob, Bob's Burgers
Working with your significant other is hard enough — we can't imagine what it's like to own a struggling business together. And yet, Linda (John Roberts) and Bob (H. Jon Benjamin) seem happiest together when they're grinding meat in the basement of their burger joint. Linda clearly admires her husband's drive to make the place succeed, or at least survive; and though he forgets it every once in a while, Bob knows his wife is the glue that holds their restaurant and family together. More than most other animated spouses, these two really act like equals.

Schmidt & Cece, New Girl
When your BFF acquires new friends of the opposite sex, doesn't your mind immediately go to: "Oooh, any prospects there?" Not that gorgeous model Cece (Hannah Simone) could immediately recognize the potential of Jess' (Zooey Deschanel) roommate Schmidt (Max Greenfield) — she was too into dating shallow guys and he seemed too obsessed with his meticulous wardrobe and get-rich-quick plans. But again, the magic of sexual chemistry broke down those walls enough for these two to see they're soul mates. Even if it's taken a few extra love triangles to get there, their engagement makes us feel warm and fuzzy, like we're wrapped in one of Schmidt's kimonos.

Mindy & Danny, The Mindy Project
Okay, so these two are in the middle of a rocky patch as of the midseason finale, but let's concentrate for a moment on the good stuff. Mindy (Mindy Kaling) and Danny (Chris Messina) are so much to each other — brutally honest frenemies, supportive BFFs, colleagues, opposites, and co-parents. They know each other's flaws (her narcissism, his chauvinistic conservatism), so we have hope that they can overcome them for the sake of those gooey looks they give each other. Since both Mindys, Kaling and Lahiri, are obsessed with the kind of rom-coms that end before getting to the complicated stuff of marriage and parenthood, these latter episodes are covering entirely new territory. Let's hope these doctors eventually show us how to do that happily ever after part, too.

Dre & Rainbow, Blackish
Dre's (Anthony Anderson) strict, traditional upbringing could not have been more different from Bow's (Tracee Ellis Ross) hippie-dippy childhood. It shows in their conflicting parenting philosophies as they raise their four kids together. Still, their conflicts never look like deal-breakers. Rather, they keep up a constant, healthy (and, yeah, hilarious) negotiation that keeps their family balanced and pretty darn happy, to boot.

Glenn & Maggie, *The Walking Dead*
Imagine having so much love for someone that you will gladly let a madman named Negan — swinging a bat wrapped with barbed wire— brutalize your face so your partner can be spared? Yeah, that's what love is like in the zombie apocalypse.
Photo: Courtesy of AMC.

Homer & Marge, *The Simpsons*
Sure, Homer is not the ideal husband (is there even such a thing?) But one of his most redeeming qualities is the fact that he downright cherishes Marge. He would never hurt her. And she would never judge him for having yet another donut.
Photo: Courtesy of FOX.

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